Psychopaths Consume

I heard an interesting discussion between Chris Hedges and Gary Null on listener- supported radio station WBAI, regarding the growing state of economic emergency in the US, now spreading to the world. People imagine that all will be fine once Trump is out of office. But expecting this is wrong. Trump is not the cause of the current disaster although he is setting the US back to the point of destroying the world with his environmental ignorance. Trump is the symptom. Always falling into bankruptcy, bailed out by lenders who expect favors in return; charging $200,000 per annum, to residents at Mar a Lago, having ambassadors and other needy people stay in his DC hotel, all is part of his breaking the emoluments restriction, not paying and firing workers; endlessly enchanted with his self, boasting about events and successes that never happened, like saving Puerto Rico from a huge number of deaths. All his speeches have him center stage. He flies the flag of greed.

What did corporations do with their mammoth tax break; buy up their company’s stock to get a bigger bonus. The country is being drained of tax money that should go to take care of the common folk, schools, health care, etc. The US is getting bankrupted beyond any hope of recovery. Once the kitty is empty the rich will call for our Social Security and Medicare and Medicaid and everything. Is any money coming in? Students will pay their education loans probably for life. DeVos is all for that. Collecting student debt payments is one of her businesses.

The US dollar will stop being the international currency. Money of whatever kind is running things. Fascism is on the rise wherever politicians are owned by corporations. The swamp will soon absorb us. We cannot turn to the Feds for help. If greed is allowed to make the rules, all but the very few will suffer. We need to create small governments, county and village. Tax money will be allotted to those who run for office and no funds coming from outside corporations or individuals; townies and farmers and carpenters and parents, etc., all work together to create a “living” environment. Tax money is only used for public services. Everything now done in the European north countries including Trump’s favorite, Norway, will be done here: free schools, health care, vacations, housing. All living this way are happy and at ease.

It can happen….if we cause it.

 

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Should We Forgive Mistreatment

 

Many people say you should never forgive those who have hurt you. That is not entirely an unwise statement but needs serious reshaping. First and most important, you need to understand yourself.   Forgiveness does not mean you erase memory. It also doesn’t mean that memory chases you forever like an enraged beast. We are afraid of forgiving anyone because we do not understand the consequences.  Forgiving doesn’t mean that you give in to the kind of person who wounds you over and over again in the same kind of way. It doesn’t mean becoming more vulnerable to attack. Forgiveness does not let you be a victim.

You need to uncover why you surrenders to mistreatment. Even that you seek it out. This compulsion comes from mistreatment during your early years. For example, I had a lying, bloviating father who spoke with fervor and would attack me if I questioned him in any way. Fast forward to adult mistreatment. I tend to give in to people who present themselves as experts and are hurt if I do not agree with them. The more I give into that person the harder it is to stop. I feel inexplicable fear. It is like sliding into emotional, physical and financial hell. It is the hell of my childhood.

Know your wounded inner child. See how the people you allow to wound you resemble the original wounding one. When such a person gets into the I am going to hurt you mood for doing or being this or that, take courage. Force yourself to act courageous. Call attention to what they are doing and if they cannot stop or even do not understand what you say, it is time to leave. Probably for good.

It is like a dog that bites the extended hand. Of you know the dog is a biter, do not extent your hand.  Do not reach for the dog in hope the dog has changed. If the assaulting adult seems to like or even love you after you surrender to the kind of wishes which do you some kind of harm, even to your spirit, what kind of love is that? Expecting a close relationship with an assaultive person has nothing to do with forgiveness. It is accepting misery as your lot in life.

You learn how far to go with a person who intends to hurt because they have done it before. Your spirit, your everything will be damaged by surrender. Your boundaries in terms of what you will allow need to be based on experience. Do not apologize for setting limits. Restraint is your right and privilege.  Forgive the biter for attempting to bite because they are a biter but do not forget that they bite. A proper distance creates forgiveness. If the attacker will not accept your restraint and attacks you for it, feel free to take your leave. Forgiveness is not slavery.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Are Cuban Healthier Than We Are?

Let us look at the differences between the US treatment of “us” and the Cuban of “them.” The Cubans have free for service health clinics in every neighborhood. They can go whenever needed. Us citizens have insurance policies whose basis is making a profit. They are corporations whose focus is monetary gain. The same with the  pharmaceutical industry that creates the drugs the doctors use  and the doctors who work like racehorses running the course to make megabucks, allotting maybe 5 minutes to see and hear a client’s complaint, to employ a stethoscope and write a prescription. What do they know about the patient’s life? Nothing. No time for that.  They make money depending on numbers.

Then there is what doctors have been taught to do and know in medical schools funded by the pharmaceutical industry with corporatists on the medical school board. They learn to prescribe, prescribe, prescribe the latest pill which is usually the old pill with a slight change in color, packaging or some other minor addition or subtraction to hold onto the patent.

What is the real goal of medicine today? It is to treat, “see you again soon.” How does this differ from Cuba? Thanks to the import restrictions placed by the US, they cannot get the latest pills. Many have organic gardens in front of back yards. They also cannot get polluting sprays (and new cars.) It sounds horribly depriving to US citizen who “believe” in medicine and doesn’t want the responsibility of selfcare.

Sure, they go to the gym. But they also eat lots of sugar and fried food, and drink alcohol and take lots of pills to sleep and awaken and function and are exhausted and anxious and driven and confused about what to do. Usually, they do more of same. It is a childish belief to think that you simply haven’t done enough when things don’t go right.

The Cubans with their front yard organic gardens and colorful 50s cars meandering along, have-to undo whatever harm their diet and lack of exercise and whatever bad habits they indulge in to undermine their health. The Cuban doctors this. The doctor is not there to treat, he/she is there to cure. We Americans act as if a diagnosis is ours for life. They see it as a symptom of a life style you must change.

We have been told to surrender to the pill industry. We are misinformed.

Do Something

Government will do nothing for us. The price for candidates running for office is paid for by corporations which later will determine their vote. Slaves, servants, gold diggers, addicts, “buy me” people will make pleasant speeches to the common person about all the good they will do but once elected you are ignored and forgotten. Speeches go in the “seduce them” file undoubtedly to be used again.

Are we commoners to give up and fade away? Are we to beg alms from such as these? Come on, now friend. The bank door is closed.  Be real. We have-to come together, stand together, think together. We need to choose people to vote for from our neighborhood, people we know. If they do not come through once in office, we throw them out. We do not fall for Madison Avenue publicity images and lies. We have-to ignore pressure to turn against one another in order to divide us. white against black, man against woman, hetero against homo, “Americans” against Muslims, anti-teachers, anti-newspapers and on and on. We are being manipulated to vent our rage against people who are in the same boat as we are rather than against politicians that steal from us.

Should we join unions? Yes. In union there is strength. Do not listen to those who hold the purse full of your unpaid wages, trying to convince you that joining a union robs you of your freedom. Speaking together with one voice has power. The corporate elected whore worries. Unions inform that person, you/we will not vote for you again unless we get better wages, health care, retirement benefits, vacation time, job security, like you once promised? Hold the politician’s feet to the fire. They need to feel the heat.

Get together with neighbors and share community tasks. Find your specialty. Make sure that everyone has enough to eat. Do not throw away usable stuff including food. Think about pollution. Eat locally grown foods in season, so that you are not burning fuel to get Thai fruit in winter. Pay your local farmer a good price. Practice NIMBY (Not in my back yard) and decide how big your yard is. No destruction to be allowed there.

Fight to keep your water free of corporate waste. Don’t go to sleep after the election. Know what your elected officials are doing. Are your schools in good shape, supplies provided along with breakfast and lunch? Are teachers rewarded for good teaching; if you are doing NIMBY and your yard includes distant parks, fight against digging for oil in the Arctic where all kinds of animals reproduce. Love polar bears and wolves and eagles and whales and plankton and krill and… “45” wants to look at financial loss when deciding what to preserve. Say “No!” to that. He wants to put decision making about what to protect in the hands of states which lack the money and will to protect almost anything. Don’t let our government end the Endangered Species Act because it interferes with profit. If oil is more important than the preservation of life for a politician addicted to the buck, vote him/her out!

Turn off the TV and internet. Stop enacting a state of helpless non-existence. Enter the world of people, animals, plants. Revel in what you can do to help and do it.

 

Raised to Lose Seeking the Tortured Love of Childhood

She was raised by a father who never was satisfied with anything she did or was. He claimed to be aiming for her to succeed by pointing his verbal arrows at her, but the real intention was for her to fail.

She grew up and her love affairs were many, surprising to a woman raised to feel ugly and stupid. Few were truly love. Most were reflections of her childhood relationship with her father, but the last one topped the cake. It threatened to ruin her forever.  

It seems impossible to ourselves that we are driven to go through the same tortured experience of an unloving childhood? Why would we do such a thing? The first step in change is realizing we are doing it, but how do we know such a thing?

Once grown, she played hateful parent or hated child to her lovers. She met a man through Facebook who claimed instant love. He loved her photograph. Said her open smiling face became the center of his life. It gave him hope. She was also moved by his photo, reclining on a bench arms open as if to embrace.  

They spoke for an hour or more every day, had great fun talking. But more than anything, he wanted to hear about her. He kept himself hidden. Said he only had one friend, his dog, with pictures the adorable hound in embrace. Later, he said that she was his only friend, which touched her heart, and kept her from noticing that his hand was in her pocket. He said he loved her, even sent her a video of him singing “I love you,” with the dog’s lease outstretched, presumably his only other friend lazing just out of frame. Her heart expanded warm and full towards him.

They spoke of marriage. He said he was an architect whose plan was in a contest not yet declared. After he won it, he said he would marry her after the construction was completed. She asked to see him before he departed. He welcomed her. Spoke of shopping for food together, and how great of cook he was, but argued a bit on sharing a bathroom, as he wanted while she wanted her own. She felt they were so very close. She already had her ticket and was going to fly the next day when he claimed he was required to go to Cyprus so-as not to lose the job. Most likely he did not live at the stated address.  His location remains unknown.

His falsehoods continued to pull her in. He said that he was the kind of architect who paid for materials and labor in advance so that the corporation could not undercut materials causing the structure to be unsound and risking that it would fall apart. He said that he had invested his lifetime of savings, over one million dollars, in materials but needed help to pay for labor. Early on, he had once inquired about her savings, which she never would have entertained a response, and would have fled, if not blinded by love. He knew she had some money for emergencies.

When you fall into a lying world, you try harder and harder to believe. It is too frightening to think otherwise. The love hook was in and clouded her mind.

He asked her for $200,000.00. He said he would give her ownership of the gold left to him by his father and given to his deceased wife. Sent a photo of him, sitting in front of a table covered by a large number of gold bars. He said they were worth about $900,000.00. That is more than her initial loan sent to him.  Sent her a form to sign from Credit Suisse which changed ownership to her from his deceased wife. Later, a friend told her it was not a genuine Credit Suisse form, but a forgery sent in .jpg format instead of .pdf.

She went to her bank which refused to send the money, calling it a scam. They even knew of the gold bars as a persuasion tactic. He did not think it up.  But he insisted they were just against him without reason. She moved her funds to another bank. They also refused to send money to Cyprus for the same reason: fraud. Her guy, who now called her “wife,” gave her the address of people in US states to wire the money, keeping it below a noticeable amount. How did he know such things and how would the money get to him in Cyprus? She closed the evaluative section of her mind.  

The scam scenario hit its final note when he announced he had been robbed in a taxi on the way to pick up his equipment. His cab was stopped, the driver shot in the back, he beaten to the point of hospitalization. He sent photos of him in a hospital bed. Now a new emergency. The thieves took his briefcase and passport. Again, all money gone.   

He asked her to sell her country log home to pay custom’s fees on the machinery.  Customs again, like the one on the Canadian border holding onto the box of gold. Her country home was the last thing she had left, the last safeguard against complete poverty.

She wept—the only thing she could ever count on possessing with parents who were liars and disloyal were tears. He asked whether she loved her house more than she loved him. Repeated how he would immediately pay everything back after the equipment was delivered. The new house will be beautiful . . . on and on. She became extremely depressed. The bottom was falling out of her world in return for a (false) promise.

How could he ask her this? No. Can’t sell. Will sell … Won’t. She had to say no.

He said he couldn’t live with her lying. She was the liar, not he. He said he would lose the job, the thing he has worked for all his life. He was exhausted by her indecision. Let her house be her lover now. She was the selfish one, because it was about his desires and not hers. Not theirs.

He was gone with her money. Is he an architect? Is there a Cyprus job? Did he mean his vow to marry? Her parents were great liars. This man puts their skill to shame.

Why did she fall for this predator? Why did she not read the signs that she had recognized? She felt a combination of pain and love, but the pain growing ever deeper.

She did not listen to her inner voice, yelling at her to stop giving, or weeping in pain when she did not. She was reliving the torture of childhood with unloving parents. Giving everything away was like being home again.

How many of you are like this woman? Come to an ongoing workshop on You Choose to Lose. (212) 496-6003.

Attacking Decency

It is with increasing horror that I read or listen to the news. All things that share in my love of life, all that the forces of government are supposed to be supporting, making safer, purer, are being vanquished, sold, demolished by those who make the rules. It is like a nightmare from which I do not wake.

And what do we the lowly citizens do about it? Americans mostly wring their hands in misery and hopelessness. Either that or deny the mounting disaster, say it’s not happening to me, refuse to see the loss which is directly set before them, certainly not in some distant place.

A major recent change from a passive to active comes from high school students, the original ones mowed down at school, and now in increasing numbers, set against people having military guns used in mass shooting. They are going to the elected people, to DC Congress. They are warning those who turn away from them as juvenile, that soon all of them will vote.

Another group that has come together in shared alarm is the Indians. They first met to pray for and stand in front of digging equipment, that wants to put Tar Sands oil pipes beneath the Missouri. Spills have to happen and have been happening since impurities in the oil break the pipe. A contaminated water will be drunk by thousands even millions, few of them native. The Indians say water is life.

Government keeps selling land to those would extract oil, gas, use chemically enhanced fracking, all which destroy the plants and animals that live in the region including, humans, to earn magabucks for the few. ICE seizes the children of undocumented immigrants crossing the southern border. Babies, toddlers, are pulled out the arms and from the hands of parents and then sent to far away stations. Parents are told that their children are going to get a shower never to return. For most, there is no explanation. . Parents likely will never see their child again. Government says they do this to discourage immigrants. It’s cruelty is beyond explanation. The AG calls it an act of law. They even quote parts of the bible to make it sound God ordained. The tiny part they quote was favored by Good Christian slave holders. What ever happened to the separation of church and state?

But above all, taking away kids is a money maker. They will build tent cities on army bases. The private corporations running this concentration camp will make a mint. For the kids it is a deadly loss. They are destroyed by the loss of their loving parent. Have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) from which they will never recover.

One father of a 3-year old son torn from his arms committed suicide that night in his cell by hanging. A so-called expert about suicide called the man weak. Said mentally stronger people could handle such a terrible loss. This so-called expert minimized the effects of such abuse to fit in with the submissive crowd

A season of madness is upon us. Madness is a form of disconnection. It is only when we are hand to hand, heart to heart and eye to eye with others including the non-human world that we come to sanity. Instead we scorn the homeless people sleeping on the street. We scorn the people sickened by pollution in their slums until the poison surrounds and kills us all.

Submissive Women

Went to a meeting in my apartment building the other day, unusual for me to be able to attend since my work outside the building usually keeps late hours. The man in charge, a very big man with a big voice generally led the discussion. Once in a while, a second man on the panel, spoke up. There were a few long-winded residents, particularly a woman who loved to argue and could not come-to- a conclusion. Inadequate speech is both a passive-aggressive attack on the listener as well as a sign of inadequacy.

What was extremely noticeable was that the elected women on the panel mostly said nothing. One questioned about the cost of some repairs. One spoke of getting a low price on some needed item or construction job. For this she was complimented by the top man. and it’s true she was the most outspoken of the women. But when it came to a discussion of affairs already way or bringing up new matters, from the women, not a peep.

I found their silence very frustrating and also very typical. Women do not take an independent position when men exert their power. It is in our training. In our society (and in many societies) f you speak up you are labeled unfeminine, castrating, a bitch. If you do not speak up, you are labeled passive, unable to take a leadership position. In your learned subservient role. In Nazi Germany under Hitler, it was the 2 K’s for women: Kirche, Kuche and Kinder (Church, cooking and children).

How did this insanity come about and why do we let it continue? Women are more than 50 % of the population. Where do they put their power? Iceland threw out the bankers who were ruining the economy with their risky, self-serving investments and put women in charge. You may not know it but Iceland is considered to have the most intelligent population in the world. It takes brain power to made independent decisions.

I know the feeling of fear, of being afraid you don’t fit in. I wonder at women who take the mike who do not make sense. Sounding incompetent is part of our learned role. We are supposed to sigh in awe when Mr. Man fixes something. Women do not go to the sciences, to math, to physics, to computers, because these are a man’s world. Who decided? How do we distinguish between our innate gifts and the role that was assigned to us?

There is only one way. Go do the forbidden thing, read the topic, learn the skills your interest requires. Work until you get it. Giving in supports having an inadequate image. Most people under estimate the time they take to learn to understand and do something. Don’t listen to anyone tell you how long a project takes. Work at it until it is done to your satisfaction. Abandon assigned roles. Don’t fit in with a woman as dodo image. Celebrate individuality, creativity. Celebrate your life.