Raised by parents who condemned you, their expectations became your belief. Now you cause it to happen. Belief pushes you over the cliff. Your parents had no respect for you. Now grown, you are happy when people act respectful. But let someone act as if you are unworthy and you throw yourself into a well of hopeless depression. You are a sponge for misery. You live to make your parents right. For you it is the cost of love.
You find friends who play a complimentary role to your self-hatred. Partners and friends steal from you and verbally put you down. A friend who is able to pick and choose her beliefs, tells you to ask a very egotistical man for advice. She is able to take what is good and discard the rest. You are not. You swallow the fact and poison whole. That man is an egotist. He tells you that now you got off the bus, you are doomed to fail and live in ever increasing misery. You believe it!
You love a man who robs you. You expect ill health, eat junk food, a lot of sugar and coffee and become sick. You dwell on all your experiences of failure and ignore all of success. You fall into the ditch your parents dug for you.
What must you do to change? Find friends who like and support you. Drop those who do the opposite. Simply say “busy” and leave with a smile and a wave. Do not try to win those who are out to get you. Do not apologize for leaving. Life offers you as many chances as you need. Feel compassion for yourself and others; Laugh after making the same mistake. Offer to help to people who need it. Not so worthless after all. Do wild things. Take off the constraining harness and do it your way. Feeling free is wonderful fun.