Do Not Pray

Do not respond to a catastrophe with prayer. Sarah Huckabee Sanders, US White House Press Secretary responded to the recent reported firing on a crowd in Las Vegas, not to move on the event with prayer. We are not to investigate how one man (but food delivered to the room indicates many), the number supported by audience responses of those who heard overlapping shots, how this small army can get into a hotel room for days armed with 23 rifles, with a metal plate to cover the door, with 3 tripods to mount the guns, with devices to create machine guns out of single firing weapons and so on. People who want to believe that it is only one mad man will believe the latest tale that this single man used the freight elevator to bring the stuff up to his room. But hotel rules require he be accompanied by hotel staff. And nothing noticed, nothing said? We are to investigate changing stories about the event including firing and later blasting through a door that videos show to be untouched, to see contradictions like that the police could not enter for 62 minutes when a hotel engineering worker said the door was unblocked and open.

When a disaster happens and we are told to pray, some say it is like praying instead of taking a fast-acting drug when thrown by some contagious disease; it is like praying as your area goes under water instead of putting out sandbags and preferably of course, to create and maintain strong dykes against exactly such an event. You can think of many recent disasters in which the country’s leaders or their reps said pray instead of act.

Naomi Klein in The Shock Doctrine, pointed to the crisis money-making schemes of people who tell us to pray. That is the time to buy cheap from those in trouble. Our president wants to abandon Puerto Rico due to debts incurred to US banks who do not reinvest their profits in PR. He does not allow the Jones Act closure to last beyond 10 days which keeps direct aid from other island nations to make direct access to PR with food and water and drugs. Jones says they must go to the US (Florida) and unload and reload into US boats which totally inflates the cost of the rescue. Trump said that the shipping companies’ need come first. Likely Pence, his religious front man said to pray.

Praying is usually a request from god to meet some need. Praying is the wrong response to disaster. Whatever your religious affiliation or its lack, do not look on the economic side of things – who will profit and who will lose in terms of your actions. Act for the greater good of living things. Good action is a form of prayer.

Profoundly Sad

2 weeks of profound sadness and nightmarish dreams. I see a small brown Dachshund-looking mutt, helplessly curled inside a cooking pot, shot through the side of the pot by a gruff looking man who’d lost patience. I dream of a dark- haired, Gypsy-looking woman telling fairy tales to enchanted children. She was wearing a lacy black mask both mysterious and friendly. Suddenly she is shot through the mask. She clutches her face and falls to the ground. I dream of my beloved husband grabbed from behind by an obese shapeless creature which pulled him back and down. These dreams are all about loss. In them, I stand there watching.

Last night, I dreamed of a parasitic ivy that covers a nearby hill and is killing everything else that grows there. It looked like the bars of a prison. One person, two people, a young dog, my mate, killer ivy…. Does watching without acting turn me into a murderer? Does passivity do it to us all?

We are in the 6th Great Extinction, the death of everything. There is our climate crisis: drought and flood and hurricane, no distinct seasons, boil, melt, starve, drown, nuclear accidents, pollution… We attack those who flee to our shores. Prison keeps a very tentative “order” of the impoverished. Those who govern accept a state of ignorance of the climate consequences of their actions. Their god is money=power. The rest of the world is going bio degradable. But our government which is run by oil interests clings to the “old ways.” Trump calls himself a gifted businessman but he (and we) are the losers.

Colin Kaepernick, the NFL football player, knelt on one knee during the National Anthem, to remind people that Blacks need to be treated fairly. Now, he cannot get a football job. Owners of the football business protect themselves from those in power, by kicking him out. Luckily, the sports world is fighting back. Victims are waking up. Many police as well as self-elected “protectors” hate the “underdog.” They shoot black kids who play with tiny, artificial weapons, shoot boys in hooded sweatshirts, arrest black adults who forget to signal left. Police prey upon the poor (largely colored,) whose payments fund the police force. The list of enemies foisted on us by corporate news is ever growing: LGTBQ, women, Jews, Muslims, the disabled…. Them. The more we become afraid, the easier it is for us to jail and kill.

Have we been hypnotized by Madison Avenue’s buy this (on time) as if possessions give life meaning? Have we been sufficiently crazed to hate those who are labeled terrorist? Have we been induced to feel unrelated? We live or die together. That is all.

Please respond.
Elan Golomb
Author of Unloved Again and Trapped in the Mirror

No Time to Wait and See

A person comes into your life, someone known by their proclaimed exploits. You have a negative reaction to that person—you see a boastful liar; you infer a manipulator pretending to sacrifice for your good who, once chosen, will turn your trusting sacrifice into personal profit. He exudes an air that portends personal harm. But you do not react accordingly? What is going on?

We fall into a state of Pollyanna denial. Maybe the person is better than he seems. We should not jump to a conclusion. We tell ourselves that outside influences will change him for the better. He will learn to do the right thing.

But part of us knows that he is our enemy. Intuition screams to the conscious self, “Get out!” Still, we do not listen. How many times have we given ourselves to people who claim personal concern? It turns out that we have surrendered to their needs. Still our baby mind argues that we will profit from this in the end. Our willingness to be led by egocentric, greedy, threatening people is an act of fear. Fear erases our adult mind which would defend its primacy. That mind was never strong enough or we would not have fallen into regressive acquiescence.

While this is self-sabotage in personal relationships, it is dangerous on a large scale in governance. A “give him a chance” philosophy often allows the falsely chosen “leader” to reinforce his power by attacking “non-believers.” Occasions are invented or caused to happen (a contrived “false flag” operation) by the leader though his crew of sociopathic helpers to take away social power. It gives rise to an extended and ongoing Patriot Act, both officially and de facto, voted into action by elected officials who want to share the power.

Remember the Reichstag fire in Germany? It was contrived by Hitler and his confrères to create an act of terrorism which could be blamed on the Jews. Create a fearful enemy and you hold a population in your palm. The terrified followers will do, or at least allow to be done, what the civilized person would shun.

We need to stop deadening our ability to consider real information. There are times when it is wrong to wait. It is time to demand leaders who will not destroy the environment, disregard the social construct, and entrap us in perpetual war, leaders who will value the populace over corporate profits. If Congress will not heed this, since they already are in the corporate pockets, we can force action on a State level while still pushing for national change. We need to do this in order to survive, and we need to start now.

The Spirit of Anti-Life Is Gaining On Us

Think that the two cups of our existence dangle at opposite ends of a pole. One cup holds the force of life and the other one of death. What we do fills either cup. At this time in our oh so brief,  human history, the cup of death is heavier and dominates the outcome.

President Trump inherited millions from his house-building father and despite his self-stated business acumen, suffered four bankruptcies. He used his 1955, $516 million dollar loss to avoid paying Federal taxes for the last 18 years. He calls not paying taxes which in turn pay for government services, “being smart.” Trump’s actual worth is questionable given his unpaid debt to workers who constructed his buildings. Many were paid less than was initially agreed on. Some were given zero. Those who complained about it were “black- listed.” Subtract the smaller from the larger number to see his net worth but which one goes on top?

More serious than cheating his workers, what is Trump’s debt to nature? What is the debt of all the obscenely wealthy? They have taken what shouldn’t be taken to join the .01 percent. The philosophy of extraction informs all of Trump’s appointees. He dismissed the need for an environmental impact statement before allowing The Energy Transfer Partners to put a pipe beneath the Missouri River, water that is drunk by millions. The pipe will break and leak as it always does. The oil that gets to Texas will be sold to China. More oil will be burned. More heat in the air. More global warming.

The Trump committee does not think we need an EPA (Environmental Protection Agency) to keep its eye on things; does not believe we need an agency to see that voting machines are working (we already know are not), does not believe we need a fair judge to keep an eye on racial equality, and on and on. There is no money for them if endorsing it. Au contraire. Newspaper reporters who are supposed to report disturbances, criminal and political, are labeled liars, sneered at and disregarded. Politicians wanting to be seen as acting for “the people,” make speeches against violent despoliation and human mistreatment, then vote for drone warfare to take over the planet’s resources. People chosen to be our shepherds are there to eat the sheep.

I had a dream. Was walking down Main Street in my hometown. The street had changed character. It was perhaps a hundred years back in time and had a large hill on the right, the very top out of sight. It all faded into mountains. I saw a house up there with a wide porch and dark shutters. It had a huge area to the right for planting. The message to me was you need to plant.

A time of scarcity is coming, with floods and drought and emerging desert, plants perishing on the stalk. What are you doing to do to ensure that you have food and water, a natural source of energy when there is a breakdown in delivery; how will you treat a cut on your leg after antibiotics fed to animals in order to fatten them up then consumed by you have made you unresponsive? Do you have alternatives in your medicine chest?

You need to set yourself up without panic, one thing after another. Now is the time. We also need to join groups to act against the world destructive crowd; to have Medicare for all and Social Security and free schools and lengthy maternity leave for Mother and Father …. and… all the things we find in the north European countries. They fought their Trumps and they won.

Please read my book Unloved Again. Email me directly for a signed copy ($16 Squareup.com/store/elangolomb.

Get the Losers to Fight

Political statements which support depriving middle and lower classes while holding onto wealth and power are repeated by the writing of corporate funded news. These stir up hatred by stating that one group steals the ever fewer jobs from the other. Those with their hands in the till (of our tax money and their investments) tell us that we are endangered by ….. Muslims, blacks, Jews, women, Indians trying to protect our water, ….  anyone who wants to protect those with power from being accused and punished for their life destructive incursions.

The 1 percent goes up and the 99 percent goes down, down, down. Let us look at Trump’s pick for Secretary of Education, Betsy DeVos, who has zero experience, understanding and interest in public schools. She said that public education “is a poor investment.” Part of her family’s great wealth comes from collecting student loans. She stated that she wants to offer vouchers to poor people so that their children can go to the assumed superior charter schools. This stated intention is a scam. After receiving the voucher, poor people still cannot afford to send their child to a charter school so the child does not attend. Children in charter schools are there from the start because their parents have money to pay. Voucher money is taken from the public school kitty for the sole goal of impoverishing it. Look where the money goes when assigning responsibility.

The Trump group is talking about closing the Department of Education (i.e. public schools) in 2018.  Education when effective, creates a thinking person. DeVos has stated her intention is to have the schools endorse religious principles. She called it God’s Kingdom, presumably a Christian enclave. Remember the separation of church and state? Now forget it. Such restricted schooling gets students to submit to the propaganda of millionaires and billionaires who enhance their wealth by getting rid of public services; to end Medicare and Medicaid; to privatize the Social Security they call an “entitlement, a misnomer which is a euphemism for a lie. Social Security is a lifetime investment taken from your “pay check”; Teachers increasingly “teach to the exam” which means suppressing thought. The controlling 1 percent has got its claws in creative teaching. Passing a test does not mean you can think.

We are inundated with the false understanding about what threaten us instead of how we are actually being robbed. Panicked by an imagined history, we ignore the threat of EOs (Executive Orders) one after the other. Recently an EO proposed to end the EPA (Environmental Protection Agency) which reveals money-making environmental damage, the EO canceling the CPB (Committee for Public Broadcasting) which supports air time for small and public supported voices. Day after day, on and on and on. All the basic stuff of life is being turned into money. They are pulling up the sidewalks.

I was quite depressed and fearful last night, even of the consequences of my being noticed for writing this. Then I had this dream.

I saw a group of children, perhaps about 50 of them standing together and not of the “same” racial group. One of them did or was said to have said something negative against another. It was stated by the teacher as if being a criminal act. The teacher asked, “…who did it” to the crowd. Asked them to expose that child so that the others would get angry and attack. “Speak up. Talk. What is your reaction to this behavior?” But no one spoke. She tried to up the ante by characterizing the unknown child as “a bad one.” But still, there was no speech. The teacher could not stir up fear and hatred. She was defeated, silenced.

At the end of my dream, there was happiness in the children’s eyes. Also in my own eyes as I awakened. I felt the spirit of love shared by all the children. Love sustains life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Women’s March

I went to a great and wonderful meeting in New York City on Saturday morning, a meeting which started in Australia since Saturday came there first.  I first encountered it on the subway at 9 A.M. Instead of everyone burying their noses in their cell phones or in reading books and papers, they smiled and looked around. Most of them were women wearing signs and carrying posters. Some took photos of the others. Many wore pink hats as well or carried cat signs, a mockery of Trump’s admission of molesting women. The spirit was one of a gigantic laugh which summarized defiance. The women were saying, “you’re not allowed to do that to us….. again.”

The women were young and old, all races and nationalities. There was a reasonable smattering of men. Every seat was taken and the rest were standing. My favorite sign that day which two women independently imagined featured a golden haired man grabbing the crotch of the Statue of Liberty. It pretty much summarized what could happen. My favorite written comment was, If you screw a woman she’ll multiply.

Finally at the UN gathering,  Josie Perez, as MC told us that  when seeking a permit for the event, she told the policeman that she  expected 500. He called the number unrealistic. 500,000 showed. 600 sites were reported around the world. The total number was in the millions.

This huge convergence of women (and men) has to do with the alarm people feel at the Trump crew’s intention to remove social care long fought for and needed to expand. They spoke against the loss of Planned Parenthood, which doesn’t only offer abortions but medical services for those who can’t afford them. Planned Parenthood said they will not accept their closing. People spoke for Medicare for all people  as is found in every western nation. People spoke against our current form of slavery. Blacks up north and down south, part of the school to prison population are arrested for almost anything and then rented out to corporations from their cells. They spoke of student debt and the planned bring down of public education

We were told that New York State and New York City are sanctuaries which means that we will not turn in races, nationalities deemed undesirable by those who want to build racist walls. New York has people from every country speaking every language, artists, scientists, planners, laborers, terrorized escapees. This mix makes New York great (unless the “planners” upscale and make it a city for the rich. Sanctuary says no removing Muslims, gays, Mexicans, Jews…. Sanctuary.

An Asian woman spoke of being kidnapped as a child and sold into prostitution until she escaped. She spoke of child prostitution as a growing racket in the US.  A Mexican man spoke of loving his mother who fled with him across the border, in order to survive. He is the first one in  his family to go to college and now a lawyer. All spoke of the need to say no to the misuse of tax money and the taking away of our rights.

After the speakers and singers ended, we walked down 2nd avenue. It was a slow beginning with people still entering from all the streets around us  as well as a poorly planned if not ill-intentioned too small opening in the hawsers for the crowd to exit. But no one panicked. I had the pleasure of standing next to the Raging Grannies, their hats full of we-stand-against buttons. They laughingly had plenty to say. There were drummers and chanters, call and response: e.g., “What do you call democracy? This is democracy!” There were roars from back to front, a gigantic sound which made us feel our number. There were hawsers to keep the marchers on one side of the avenue. Another laugh at the unexpected. People were on both sides of the hawsers and on the side walk. Uncontainable. The march was very slow, like the initial surge of pushed out earth before the explosive force of an earth quake.

A huge fight lies ahead. The Affordable Care Act which offers coverage to 20 million poor, is currently in the hairs of the ready to fire Trump gun. There is no replacement offered. The presidential website no longer has Climate change on it. Trump stated he “doesn’t believe in climate change, that it is  a myth circulated by the Chinese. His cabinet choices either agree with his climate ignorance or do not care about it like Rex Tillerson from Corporate oil, which has lied about oil destruction for years and for whom nothing counts but profit. There is Betsy DeVos as education secretary, a billionaire who doesn’t believe in public education. All of the people nominated are against functioning of the agency they are supposed to represent.

President Trump seems unable or unwilling to get informed. He may not remember what he has said before and constantly changes his story. He is exclusively focused on image. He is not a reader. Possibly he lacks the ability to concentrate on the written word. He despises the press when they are not in his pocket and will try to keep or eject them from his meetings which have been very few. He labels all journalists as low life and what they say as lies. Tyranny starts with suppressing the press.

Trump is a hypersensitive man who takes every group and individual’s reaction personally and is quickly moved to rage. Destructive decisions follow. Trump has chosen advisors who represent his biases and will quickly move to enact them. There is fear in US citizens, that they will be attacked, jailed, murdered for speaking out. Some take a humiliated “wait and see” approach as if they can ignore what is happening. Hannah Arendt spoke of Germans not seeing the murderous prisons in their midst. She called it  “…the banality of evil.” One turns ones eyes to not see what scares you. You know the saying, “first they came for….” ending with “and then there was me.”

I have heard people say that Trump is right to do exclude and excoriate the press, that they should not be so insulting. These people do not understand that press is our 4th Estate, that a democracy needs to have its faults exposed in order to improve. All of us is capable of the highest or lowest motives and behaviors. We need solidarity to help us choose the high road. In order to survive an onslaught on our civil liberties and our survival needs in the next 4 years, we need to become activists, to join the group which most calls us and to work on locally elected officials to represent us. New Yorkers need to get Chuck Schumer, our Democratic leader, to raise a courageous flag like did Bernie Sanders. Politicians are usually not a courageous group unless their economic and elected position is threatened.

 

Money is the Trump cabinet’s calling. Let us not buy their products, stay in their hotels, save money in their banks. If the Courts and Congress were able to support the law, our president who hides his unpaid taxes and enormous debt, who has all the DC visitors stay in his hotel, would be disbarred for receiving emoluments, money received for favors.

Will we be suppressed by millionaires and billionaires who increasingly own more of everything than the entirety of people beneath them? People will die of starvation, disease, violence; the physical world will enter a state of serious exhaustion from our practice of extraction. All gone now will be the result of our not choosing.

 

Please consider reading my book Unloved Again. Email me directly a elangolomb@gmail.com in order to get your signed copy. Paperback ($16 Squareup.com/store/elangolomb.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Signs that Your Parents Were Narcissistic and Unloving

If this discussion interests you, please read my book Unloved Again.

Your narcissist does not feel empathy. If anything helps you decide whether your parent is a narcissist, this is guidepost number one. Although many of our cultural values are narcissistic: “look at me… at my car… my possessions… where I vacation, etc., these are superficial attention getters. The heart of the show-off may still beat in tune with yours.

The narcissist suffers from a far more serious mental absence. Their attention is encased in a psychological hall of mirrors, wrapped up  in “it’s all about me.” As a result, the narcissistic parent cannot know you, their child (or friend or lover).  One has to feel the “other” person to know them. The narcissist may speak words of caring if they have caught onto saying these as a required social image but their heart is not in it.

You, their child feel that emptiness until you start pulling the wool over your own eyes. The child of a narcissist usually falls in line with their parent illusory need to be seen as loving. The child does this in hope of one day receiving the parent’s real love. The child imagines the parent is capable of feeling love but is withholding it because, you, their child are faulty. The child cannot stand the grief of knowing they have a  forever love-deficient parent. Instead, they take the blame. The notion of courting a love-withholding person guides their love-life ever after.

The narcissistic parent may utter words of sympathy when their child has suffered some kind of injury, for which they congratulate themselves on acting caring but words said do not mean that they feel your pain. Every word uttered reflects on their need for glory. In like manner, they attack their child for failing to be perfect at something because it casts a negative light on them or, even after they scold the child, are secretly exulted since their child’s failure puts them on a higher plane. I am above you because I lack that fault. Whether praising or attacking, all felt and done is self-referential. You do not exist for them in your own right.

Narcissistic parents are fakes who make their child into a fake.  They put a false image onto themselves with which the child must fit. The child initially knows that it is only a “pretense” like pretending to be a ghost at Halloween, but over time, the child loses awareness of it as an act, forgets how to find/be/know their own true self. A feeling of emptiness follows. A child needs its parent’s accurate (and loving reflection) to develop a sense of self.

Your narcissistic parent revels in vanity as do all children in their early years. All children need to be seen as great at least during the terrible two’s until reality cuts it down to an acceptable self-image.  The narcissist never leaves this stage of self-adulation. It is his shelter and defense against knowing himself to be a hollow man or woman.

The narcissist’s feelings are easily wounded. You, their child are expected to applaud, to build them up and support them. Once grown, the only way out of this un-loved affair is to leave it. You will be met with a barrage of objections, called selfish and self-centered after all “I have done for you.’ You need to take a gigantic step of not accepting the parent’s accusation that you are abandoning them since in the narcissistic parent’s unconscious mind, they remain your child.

The “sponge self” you developed under their barrage of projection and need has to be recognized and discarded. A sponge cannot say here I am and here I am not, regardless of what you say about me. The sponge self automatically agrees with the narcissist’s idealization or denigration. The narcissistic parent will never stop asking you for more. Do not fight with them to see you as you are since they can’t do it. Fighting is a form of attachment. It is a demand the parent set you free rather than you freeing yourself. Gracefully as possible move into the wonderful confusion of owning your own life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Become Aware of Your Repetition Compulsion

I write this to reach people whose love affairs have always turned out bad. That it happens over and over shows that it is the outcome of your repetition compulsion. The repetition compulsion is out of awareness. And probably because of this very strong. You need to understand the origin of the repetition compulsion in order to limit its power and stop enacting it commands.

  1. Acknowledge that you are suffering in your “love affairs.” Your suffering is real. Do not regard your suffering as a sign of love. That pain equals love is a falsehood which maintains the repetition compulsion. It is the thinking of a child who needs to feel loved regardless of the parent’s abuse or disinterest.
  1. Do not accept blame for being mistreated by the one you love. Learning how to do something your lover would like should not be induced by their hating you and your reactive shame. Punishing you for not measuring up shows they hate themselves for the same thing and are passing it onto you.
  1. Open your Pandora’s box of secret knowledge. Find the memory and feelings of early childhood, so many kinds of abuse received and so little of love and pleasure. Notice that the guilt you find there that is with you still.
  1. Know that your inner child repeats hurtful relationships in order to “get it right this time.” The child needs to believe that love is waiting. There is no end to their experience of trying and failing.
  1. Step into the social unknown. Meet people who do not act like terrified slaves or tyrannical parents. Do not act that way yourself. See who is attracted to the open, softer you.
  1. Know if the ones you meet are narcissists from their self-centered behavior. Feel OK about moving away from them. Politely tell them that the “chemistry is not right.” This is your chance to say “no” to the control of your “inner child,” the negative part of yourself. You cannot say “yes” to Mr./Ms. Right until you can say “no” to Mr./Ms. Wrong.
  1. Do not chase after anyone who seems disinterested. Tell yourself no holding on when there’s nothing to hold onto. Fight the urge whenever it appears. No more time for imaginary lovers.
  1. Do not pretend to feel love. Offering fake love is a bribe for real love that cannot come. The receiver senses that what you claim is untrue and their love, in response to yours, or naturally to them, may be fake as well. They also may be love pretenders. Real love makes you feel warm and happy. You no longer are alone. The person who seeks your love wears their heart on their sleeve. No need to imagine it.

 

Get my book Unloved Again today! Hardcover ($25 including shipping) and Paperback  ($16 including shipping) versions available. Payment collected via Squareup.com/store/elangolomb.

How Did I Come to Write Unloved Again

I Wanted to Study how I learned to love those who could not love. It was writing Unloved Again that taught me the origin is childhood pain denied.

You who love those who cannot love you or reject those who can, do not know why you do it. It is like you are in a state of amnesia. You do not know how you got here. Things simply happen to you. If you are unable to see that it is you who make the choices, in effect the same mistakes, ask the opinion of people who are objective. Repetition is a tell-tale sign of choice.

It is like you are perched on the roof of a dark and shuttered house. You do not know how you got there nor how to enter. You periodically receive messages from that house along with feelings. These messages tell you who to love and hate including to hate yourself. You think these messages come from the “real you.”

Why do you assume that this inner voice represents your adult self?  It is like believing advice from someone who profits if you make the “right  choice.” Accepting the terrified thinking of your inner child and the terrifying directives of your inner parent denies that you can grow. You are to remain fixed in childhood. You may fool yourself into accepting  these opinions by calling them your “intuition.” There are so many ways we fool ourselves.

The internal structure of the darkened house is very fragile. Its parts connect one to the other like cripples leaning against one another for greater balance. If one of them steps out of the pack, all the rest fall down.  The source of this mad circumstance of lasting disorder is that it represents half fighting and half surrender. It is the power of surrender which brings the parts down together – I fall into you. It is the power of resistance which binds the two together – You can’t get up without me. This building is covered by a dark roof which protects its contents from the wind and rain of recognition. You are to hear what it tells you and feel what it sends you but not understand the source.

How the child survived with unloving, brutal and rejecting parents is what the house is about. Many of these aspects have to do with denying the reality of what happened. The child turns his abuse into something better or takes the blame for it. If it all was his fault, punishment was called for. Does he need more? The parent was a bully whose nails of hatred were hammered into the child’s wood of self-identity. How does the adult handle this? How does it color his view of love?

The adult perched on the roof hears the child’s distant cry and takes it as his own. He has not separated from his internal child. Some neurotically-driven people dedicate their lives  to saving the inner child. But you cannot rewrite the past. You can only understand it in order to leave the past behind. Those dedicated to saving their remembered inner child, sacrifice their present life. There are many forms of arrested development and this is one.

To accept the feelings and directives from that darkened house is to declare yourself invalid. You need to break into that mental building and examine its every piece. Study the child’s willingness to surrender. See the rationalizations and lies that make this possible. Study your parent’s emotional weakness which underlies their terrifying behavior. Remember them as hungry ghosts, throat too small to swallow and fill their endless need  (Dante’s Inferno) Get a calendar in your mind so that you can distinguish past from present.

You will be energized to follow this difficult path by pain. See that your pain was inflicted by a cruel parent who needed to injure their child. Reject accepting pain as the path to love. Do not identify punishment as love. Pain is pain and  nothing else. Pain is a terrible connection. Sever yourself from that kind of union. Pain is there to alert you to do something about its source not to surrender, not to quiet you down. Growing numb does not free you. Feeling my pain and understanding where it comes from and especially not accepting a guilty position helped me stop choosing people who could not love me You can do it too.

Unloved Again shows people struggling to understand their history. The internal child will always cry in terror. Is that terror relevant to your “now?” The internal parent will always threaten the child. Should you, the adult be afraid? An adult mind declares these experiences to be from the past. It is time for achieving great emptiness in order for something new to enter.  Loving someone who can love you now is living in the present.

Get my book Unloved Again today! Email me directly at elangolomg@gmail.com in order to get your signed copy. Hardcover ($25 including shipping) and Paperback ($16 Squareup.com/store/elangolomb.)

Humor Lifts You Out of Acquiesence

Make a joke of it. Laugh yourself right out of being mired in your culture’s negative perspective, your neighbor’s mindless receptivity , your newspaper’s acceptance of the inevitability of something totally bad  happening as if we have no relationship to the cause. We need to reject, to  fight against submitting to the destruction of all things. We have an important device to do it. It is humor. We can laugh at newspapers which try to shade the truth to the benefit of the owning corporation. We can laugh at the advice (not necessarily to their face) given by frightened  and biased Mom and Dad, laugh at the whole damn world telling  you to join them in an unstated suicide pact when you need to opt out.

The insight about the role of humor came to me last night. I was feeling very sad and helpless upon learning about the disappearance of Julian Assange of Wikileaks from the Ecuadorian embassy in Britain. I feared that he had been captured and possibly killed, possibly tortured  to get him to reveal and submit. The subsequent news silence about where he is either damns or supports hope for his survival.

Then I read about the mistaken spraying with a bee-killing spray of bees in 2 US states. The staff wasn’t supposed to spray infected trees by day when bees are out gathering pollen. But whoever was in charge of spray timing did not know,  did not remember or did not bother to tell the workers so they merrily sprayed by day and spread enormous death. How can we as a group be so stupid, killing those animals on which our food source depends?

Is it due to jobs being made automatic, transformed into parts done by strangers who are not plants lovers, farmers, workers who do not know, see, feel the consequences of what they do? We cannot do it right  by Mother Earth after disconnecting from her. We have to be/feel part of the family of life in order to sustain our “right action.”

US companies are using neonicotinoids,  an insect-killing poison known to kill bees. Neonicotinoids are currently forbidden in Europe where natural survival  is honored. But not in the US where the congressional members get money to run for office from neonicotinoid selling corporations and in turn have to do their bidding.  Congress is not part of the family of life.  It is now a business connected to the living world in terms of power and money.

So they/we are killing bees which spread pollen that fertilizes plants which keeps the plant world growing. Does our education deliberately miss understanding pollen as an essential part of our existence?  Or is this oversight due to ignorance? The bee world is dying due to our propensity for using killer chemicals  against whenever we fear “out there.”  We treat nature as our enemy rather than as our Mother. We believe ads which tell us to that the chemical is not dangerous. We make choices without knowing. We  revert to childhood with frightening parents we had to obey or else. We keep ourselves from seeing the result.

When I originally studied psychology, Freud was said to have theorized 2 basic forces in man, a life and a death instinct. The life instinct leads to sex and procreation, to being social and enjoying life. The death instinct leads to harming/killing others as well as to harming self over and over and over again. We call this the “repetition compulsion.” It is a choice of death.  But why would we choose death over life? Why would we choose to be enemies to ourselves? All matter  is vibrating.  We vibrate. Do we need to re-emerge into the whole and abandon the self as a seemingly separate part? Does energy need to leave its temporary fleshly abode? The why of it, so basic to life should be studied.

I was reading a bit of Krishnamurti, who said that the only thing that will keep us alive is love. It is a matter of what moves us, either love or hate; love or death. Our current leaders are in the pockets of the war machine. They make money by selling war toys and by using them. Every invented object, like small nuclear bombs created to “protect  us” will be used. Children play with their toys.

Armaments make money when sold to others and by us when used to steal other countries natural resources. Corporations have a single objective which is to make money. They go for making more  of it even if the consequence is death. They do not weigh consequences. They are a programmed machine for which humans are treated as pawns on the chessboard of life. Unintended death is “collateral damage.” There is no feeling, no flesh and blood reality to a machine.

I was asking myself how to emerge from my emotional paralysis. I had an inspiration, not for the first time. We often discover the same thing over and over, pushed out of our consciousness by our need to fit in. I thought we need to laugh at what plagues us. We need to laugh at our collective and individual life-destroying behavior. Humor creates a needed separation from our frightening objective. Humor is the basis for our saying, “no.”

When you feel down, defeated and isolated, find a humorous way to depict your plight and then  share it.  Another person laughing with you empowers your separation. It is humor that says “No problem.” It is humor says “keep your madness. I’ll have none of that. ” It is humor that says “…calling me names is a baby act that proves nothing.” Humor leads us to new ways to look at and handle problems.  Humor sets us free.