Do Not Pray

Do not respond to a catastrophe with prayer. Sarah Huckabee Sanders, US White House Press Secretary responded to the recent reported firing on a crowd in Las Vegas, not to move on the event with prayer. We are not to investigate how one man (but food delivered to the room indicates many), the number supported by audience responses of those who heard overlapping shots, how this small army can get into a hotel room for days armed with 23 rifles, with a metal plate to cover the door, with 3 tripods to mount the guns, with devices to create machine guns out of single firing weapons and so on. People who want to believe that it is only one mad man will believe the latest tale that this single man used the freight elevator to bring the stuff up to his room. But hotel rules require he be accompanied by hotel staff. And nothing noticed, nothing said? We are to investigate changing stories about the event including firing and later blasting through a door that videos show to be untouched, to see contradictions like that the police could not enter for 62 minutes when a hotel engineering worker said the door was unblocked and open.

When a disaster happens and we are told to pray, some say it is like praying instead of taking a fast-acting drug when thrown by some contagious disease; it is like praying as your area goes under water instead of putting out sandbags and preferably of course, to create and maintain strong dykes against exactly such an event. You can think of many recent disasters in which the country’s leaders or their reps said pray instead of act.

Naomi Klein in The Shock Doctrine, pointed to the crisis money-making schemes of people who tell us to pray. That is the time to buy cheap from those in trouble. Our president wants to abandon Puerto Rico due to debts incurred to US banks who do not reinvest their profits in PR. He does not allow the Jones Act closure to last beyond 10 days which keeps direct aid from other island nations to make direct access to PR with food and water and drugs. Jones says they must go to the US (Florida) and unload and reload into US boats which totally inflates the cost of the rescue. Trump said that the shipping companies’ need come first. Likely Pence, his religious front man said to pray.

Praying is usually a request from god to meet some need. Praying is the wrong response to disaster. Whatever your religious affiliation or its lack, do not look on the economic side of things – who will profit and who will lose in terms of your actions. Act for the greater good of living things. Good action is a form of prayer.

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Profoundly Sad

2 weeks of profound sadness and nightmarish dreams. I see a small brown Dachshund-looking mutt, helplessly curled inside a cooking pot, shot through the side of the pot by a gruff looking man who’d lost patience. I dream of a dark- haired, Gypsy-looking woman telling fairy tales to enchanted children. She was wearing a lacy black mask both mysterious and friendly. Suddenly she is shot through the mask. She clutches her face and falls to the ground. I dream of my beloved husband grabbed from behind by an obese shapeless creature which pulled him back and down. These dreams are all about loss. In them, I stand there watching.

Last night, I dreamed of a parasitic ivy that covers a nearby hill and is killing everything else that grows there. It looked like the bars of a prison. One person, two people, a young dog, my mate, killer ivy…. Does watching without acting turn me into a murderer? Does passivity do it to us all?

We are in the 6th Great Extinction, the death of everything. There is our climate crisis: drought and flood and hurricane, no distinct seasons, boil, melt, starve, drown, nuclear accidents, pollution… We attack those who flee to our shores. Prison keeps a very tentative “order” of the impoverished. Those who govern accept a state of ignorance of the climate consequences of their actions. Their god is money=power. The rest of the world is going bio degradable. But our government which is run by oil interests clings to the “old ways.” Trump calls himself a gifted businessman but he (and we) are the losers.

Colin Kaepernick, the NFL football player, knelt on one knee during the National Anthem, to remind people that Blacks need to be treated fairly. Now, he cannot get a football job. Owners of the football business protect themselves from those in power, by kicking him out. Luckily, the sports world is fighting back. Victims are waking up. Many police as well as self-elected “protectors” hate the “underdog.” They shoot black kids who play with tiny, artificial weapons, shoot boys in hooded sweatshirts, arrest black adults who forget to signal left. Police prey upon the poor (largely colored,) whose payments fund the police force. The list of enemies foisted on us by corporate news is ever growing: LGTBQ, women, Jews, Muslims, the disabled…. Them. The more we become afraid, the easier it is for us to jail and kill.

Have we been hypnotized by Madison Avenue’s buy this (on time) as if possessions give life meaning? Have we been sufficiently crazed to hate those who are labeled terrorist? Have we been induced to feel unrelated? We live or die together. That is all.

Please respond.
Elan Golomb
Author of Unloved Again and Trapped in the Mirror

No Time to Wait and See

A person comes into your life, someone known by their proclaimed exploits. You have a negative reaction to that person—you see a boastful liar; you infer a manipulator pretending to sacrifice for your good who, once chosen, will turn your trusting sacrifice into personal profit. He exudes an air that portends personal harm. But you do not react accordingly? What is going on?

We fall into a state of Pollyanna denial. Maybe the person is better than he seems. We should not jump to a conclusion. We tell ourselves that outside influences will change him for the better. He will learn to do the right thing.

But part of us knows that he is our enemy. Intuition screams to the conscious self, “Get out!” Still, we do not listen. How many times have we given ourselves to people who claim personal concern? It turns out that we have surrendered to their needs. Still our baby mind argues that we will profit from this in the end. Our willingness to be led by egocentric, greedy, threatening people is an act of fear. Fear erases our adult mind which would defend its primacy. That mind was never strong enough or we would not have fallen into regressive acquiescence.

While this is self-sabotage in personal relationships, it is dangerous on a large scale in governance. A “give him a chance” philosophy often allows the falsely chosen “leader” to reinforce his power by attacking “non-believers.” Occasions are invented or caused to happen (a contrived “false flag” operation) by the leader though his crew of sociopathic helpers to take away social power. It gives rise to an extended and ongoing Patriot Act, both officially and de facto, voted into action by elected officials who want to share the power.

Remember the Reichstag fire in Germany? It was contrived by Hitler and his confrères to create an act of terrorism which could be blamed on the Jews. Create a fearful enemy and you hold a population in your palm. The terrified followers will do, or at least allow to be done, what the civilized person would shun.

We need to stop deadening our ability to consider real information. There are times when it is wrong to wait. It is time to demand leaders who will not destroy the environment, disregard the social construct, and entrap us in perpetual war, leaders who will value the populace over corporate profits. If Congress will not heed this, since they already are in the corporate pockets, we can force action on a State level while still pushing for national change. We need to do this in order to survive, and we need to start now.

The Spirit of Anti-Life Is Gaining On Us

Think that the two cups of our existence dangle at opposite ends of a pole. One cup holds the force of life and the other one of death. What we do fills either cup. At this time in our oh so brief,  human history, the cup of death is heavier and dominates the outcome.

President Trump inherited millions from his house-building father and despite his self-stated business acumen, suffered four bankruptcies. He used his 1955, $516 million dollar loss to avoid paying Federal taxes for the last 18 years. He calls not paying taxes which in turn pay for government services, “being smart.” Trump’s actual worth is questionable given his unpaid debt to workers who constructed his buildings. Many were paid less than was initially agreed on. Some were given zero. Those who complained about it were “black- listed.” Subtract the smaller from the larger number to see his net worth but which one goes on top?

More serious than cheating his workers, what is Trump’s debt to nature? What is the debt of all the obscenely wealthy? They have taken what shouldn’t be taken to join the .01 percent. The philosophy of extraction informs all of Trump’s appointees. He dismissed the need for an environmental impact statement before allowing The Energy Transfer Partners to put a pipe beneath the Missouri River, water that is drunk by millions. The pipe will break and leak as it always does. The oil that gets to Texas will be sold to China. More oil will be burned. More heat in the air. More global warming.

The Trump committee does not think we need an EPA (Environmental Protection Agency) to keep its eye on things; does not believe we need an agency to see that voting machines are working (we already know are not), does not believe we need a fair judge to keep an eye on racial equality, and on and on. There is no money for them if endorsing it. Au contraire. Newspaper reporters who are supposed to report disturbances, criminal and political, are labeled liars, sneered at and disregarded. Politicians wanting to be seen as acting for “the people,” make speeches against violent despoliation and human mistreatment, then vote for drone warfare to take over the planet’s resources. People chosen to be our shepherds are there to eat the sheep.

I had a dream. Was walking down Main Street in my hometown. The street had changed character. It was perhaps a hundred years back in time and had a large hill on the right, the very top out of sight. It all faded into mountains. I saw a house up there with a wide porch and dark shutters. It had a huge area to the right for planting. The message to me was you need to plant.

A time of scarcity is coming, with floods and drought and emerging desert, plants perishing on the stalk. What are you doing to do to ensure that you have food and water, a natural source of energy when there is a breakdown in delivery; how will you treat a cut on your leg after antibiotics fed to animals in order to fatten them up then consumed by you have made you unresponsive? Do you have alternatives in your medicine chest?

You need to set yourself up without panic, one thing after another. Now is the time. We also need to join groups to act against the world destructive crowd; to have Medicare for all and Social Security and free schools and lengthy maternity leave for Mother and Father …. and… all the things we find in the north European countries. They fought their Trumps and they won.

Please read my book Unloved Again. Email me directly for a signed copy ($16 Squareup.com/store/elangolomb.

Get the Losers to Fight

Political statements which support depriving middle and lower classes while holding onto wealth and power are repeated by the writing of corporate funded news. These stir up hatred by stating that one group steals the ever fewer jobs from the other. Those with their hands in the till (of our tax money and their investments) tell us that we are endangered by ….. Muslims, blacks, Jews, women, Indians trying to protect our water, ….  anyone who wants to protect those with power from being accused and punished for their life destructive incursions.

The 1 percent goes up and the 99 percent goes down, down, down. Let us look at Trump’s pick for Secretary of Education, Betsy DeVos, who has zero experience, understanding and interest in public schools. She said that public education “is a poor investment.” Part of her family’s great wealth comes from collecting student loans. She stated that she wants to offer vouchers to poor people so that their children can go to the assumed superior charter schools. This stated intention is a scam. After receiving the voucher, poor people still cannot afford to send their child to a charter school so the child does not attend. Children in charter schools are there from the start because their parents have money to pay. Voucher money is taken from the public school kitty for the sole goal of impoverishing it. Look where the money goes when assigning responsibility.

The Trump group is talking about closing the Department of Education (i.e. public schools) in 2018.  Education when effective, creates a thinking person. DeVos has stated her intention is to have the schools endorse religious principles. She called it God’s Kingdom, presumably a Christian enclave. Remember the separation of church and state? Now forget it. Such restricted schooling gets students to submit to the propaganda of millionaires and billionaires who enhance their wealth by getting rid of public services; to end Medicare and Medicaid; to privatize the Social Security they call an “entitlement, a misnomer which is a euphemism for a lie. Social Security is a lifetime investment taken from your “pay check”; Teachers increasingly “teach to the exam” which means suppressing thought. The controlling 1 percent has got its claws in creative teaching. Passing a test does not mean you can think.

We are inundated with the false understanding about what threaten us instead of how we are actually being robbed. Panicked by an imagined history, we ignore the threat of EOs (Executive Orders) one after the other. Recently an EO proposed to end the EPA (Environmental Protection Agency) which reveals money-making environmental damage, the EO canceling the CPB (Committee for Public Broadcasting) which supports air time for small and public supported voices. Day after day, on and on and on. All the basic stuff of life is being turned into money. They are pulling up the sidewalks.

I was quite depressed and fearful last night, even of the consequences of my being noticed for writing this. Then I had this dream.

I saw a group of children, perhaps about 50 of them standing together and not of the “same” racial group. One of them did or was said to have said something negative against another. It was stated by the teacher as if being a criminal act. The teacher asked, “…who did it” to the crowd. Asked them to expose that child so that the others would get angry and attack. “Speak up. Talk. What is your reaction to this behavior?” But no one spoke. She tried to up the ante by characterizing the unknown child as “a bad one.” But still, there was no speech. The teacher could not stir up fear and hatred. She was defeated, silenced.

At the end of my dream, there was happiness in the children’s eyes. Also in my own eyes as I awakened. I felt the spirit of love shared by all the children. Love sustains life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Women’s March

I went to a great and wonderful meeting in New York City on Saturday morning, a meeting which started in Australia since Saturday came there first.  I first encountered it on the subway at 9 A.M. Instead of everyone burying their noses in their cell phones or in reading books and papers, they smiled and looked around. Most of them were women wearing signs and carrying posters. Some took photos of the others. Many wore pink hats as well or carried cat signs, a mockery of Trump’s admission of molesting women. The spirit was one of a gigantic laugh which summarized defiance. The women were saying, “you’re not allowed to do that to us….. again.”

The women were young and old, all races and nationalities. There was a reasonable smattering of men. Every seat was taken and the rest were standing. My favorite sign that day which two women independently imagined featured a golden haired man grabbing the crotch of the Statue of Liberty. It pretty much summarized what could happen. My favorite written comment was, If you screw a woman she’ll multiply.

Finally at the UN gathering,  Josie Perez, as MC told us that  when seeking a permit for the event, she told the policeman that she  expected 500. He called the number unrealistic. 500,000 showed. 600 sites were reported around the world. The total number was in the millions.

This huge convergence of women (and men) has to do with the alarm people feel at the Trump crew’s intention to remove social care long fought for and needed to expand. They spoke against the loss of Planned Parenthood, which doesn’t only offer abortions but medical services for those who can’t afford them. Planned Parenthood said they will not accept their closing. People spoke for Medicare for all people  as is found in every western nation. People spoke against our current form of slavery. Blacks up north and down south, part of the school to prison population are arrested for almost anything and then rented out to corporations from their cells. They spoke of student debt and the planned bring down of public education

We were told that New York State and New York City are sanctuaries which means that we will not turn in races, nationalities deemed undesirable by those who want to build racist walls. New York has people from every country speaking every language, artists, scientists, planners, laborers, terrorized escapees. This mix makes New York great (unless the “planners” upscale and make it a city for the rich. Sanctuary says no removing Muslims, gays, Mexicans, Jews…. Sanctuary.

An Asian woman spoke of being kidnapped as a child and sold into prostitution until she escaped. She spoke of child prostitution as a growing racket in the US.  A Mexican man spoke of loving his mother who fled with him across the border, in order to survive. He is the first one in  his family to go to college and now a lawyer. All spoke of the need to say no to the misuse of tax money and the taking away of our rights.

After the speakers and singers ended, we walked down 2nd avenue. It was a slow beginning with people still entering from all the streets around us  as well as a poorly planned if not ill-intentioned too small opening in the hawsers for the crowd to exit. But no one panicked. I had the pleasure of standing next to the Raging Grannies, their hats full of we-stand-against buttons. They laughingly had plenty to say. There were drummers and chanters, call and response: e.g., “What do you call democracy? This is democracy!” There were roars from back to front, a gigantic sound which made us feel our number. There were hawsers to keep the marchers on one side of the avenue. Another laugh at the unexpected. People were on both sides of the hawsers and on the side walk. Uncontainable. The march was very slow, like the initial surge of pushed out earth before the explosive force of an earth quake.

A huge fight lies ahead. The Affordable Care Act which offers coverage to 20 million poor, is currently in the hairs of the ready to fire Trump gun. There is no replacement offered. The presidential website no longer has Climate change on it. Trump stated he “doesn’t believe in climate change, that it is  a myth circulated by the Chinese. His cabinet choices either agree with his climate ignorance or do not care about it like Rex Tillerson from Corporate oil, which has lied about oil destruction for years and for whom nothing counts but profit. There is Betsy DeVos as education secretary, a billionaire who doesn’t believe in public education. All of the people nominated are against functioning of the agency they are supposed to represent.

President Trump seems unable or unwilling to get informed. He may not remember what he has said before and constantly changes his story. He is exclusively focused on image. He is not a reader. Possibly he lacks the ability to concentrate on the written word. He despises the press when they are not in his pocket and will try to keep or eject them from his meetings which have been very few. He labels all journalists as low life and what they say as lies. Tyranny starts with suppressing the press.

Trump is a hypersensitive man who takes every group and individual’s reaction personally and is quickly moved to rage. Destructive decisions follow. Trump has chosen advisors who represent his biases and will quickly move to enact them. There is fear in US citizens, that they will be attacked, jailed, murdered for speaking out. Some take a humiliated “wait and see” approach as if they can ignore what is happening. Hannah Arendt spoke of Germans not seeing the murderous prisons in their midst. She called it  “…the banality of evil.” One turns ones eyes to not see what scares you. You know the saying, “first they came for….” ending with “and then there was me.”

I have heard people say that Trump is right to do exclude and excoriate the press, that they should not be so insulting. These people do not understand that press is our 4th Estate, that a democracy needs to have its faults exposed in order to improve. All of us is capable of the highest or lowest motives and behaviors. We need solidarity to help us choose the high road. In order to survive an onslaught on our civil liberties and our survival needs in the next 4 years, we need to become activists, to join the group which most calls us and to work on locally elected officials to represent us. New Yorkers need to get Chuck Schumer, our Democratic leader, to raise a courageous flag like did Bernie Sanders. Politicians are usually not a courageous group unless their economic and elected position is threatened.

 

Money is the Trump cabinet’s calling. Let us not buy their products, stay in their hotels, save money in their banks. If the Courts and Congress were able to support the law, our president who hides his unpaid taxes and enormous debt, who has all the DC visitors stay in his hotel, would be disbarred for receiving emoluments, money received for favors.

Will we be suppressed by millionaires and billionaires who increasingly own more of everything than the entirety of people beneath them? People will die of starvation, disease, violence; the physical world will enter a state of serious exhaustion from our practice of extraction. All gone now will be the result of our not choosing.

 

Please consider reading my book Unloved Again. Email me directly a elangolomb@gmail.com in order to get your signed copy. Paperback ($16 Squareup.com/store/elangolomb.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Signs that Your Parents Were Narcissistic and Unloving

If this discussion interests you, please read my book Unloved Again.

Your narcissist does not feel empathy. If anything helps you decide whether your parent is a narcissist, this is guidepost number one. Although many of our cultural values are narcissistic: “look at me… at my car… my possessions… where I vacation, etc., these are superficial attention getters. The heart of the show-off may still beat in tune with yours.

The narcissist suffers from a far more serious mental absence. Their attention is encased in a psychological hall of mirrors, wrapped up  in “it’s all about me.” As a result, the narcissistic parent cannot know you, their child (or friend or lover).  One has to feel the “other” person to know them. The narcissist may speak words of caring if they have caught onto saying these as a required social image but their heart is not in it.

You, their child feel that emptiness until you start pulling the wool over your own eyes. The child of a narcissist usually falls in line with their parent illusory need to be seen as loving. The child does this in hope of one day receiving the parent’s real love. The child imagines the parent is capable of feeling love but is withholding it because, you, their child are faulty. The child cannot stand the grief of knowing they have a  forever love-deficient parent. Instead, they take the blame. The notion of courting a love-withholding person guides their love-life ever after.

The narcissistic parent may utter words of sympathy when their child has suffered some kind of injury, for which they congratulate themselves on acting caring but words said do not mean that they feel your pain. Every word uttered reflects on their need for glory. In like manner, they attack their child for failing to be perfect at something because it casts a negative light on them or, even after they scold the child, are secretly exulted since their child’s failure puts them on a higher plane. I am above you because I lack that fault. Whether praising or attacking, all felt and done is self-referential. You do not exist for them in your own right.

Narcissistic parents are fakes who make their child into a fake.  They put a false image onto themselves with which the child must fit. The child initially knows that it is only a “pretense” like pretending to be a ghost at Halloween, but over time, the child loses awareness of it as an act, forgets how to find/be/know their own true self. A feeling of emptiness follows. A child needs its parent’s accurate (and loving reflection) to develop a sense of self.

Your narcissistic parent revels in vanity as do all children in their early years. All children need to be seen as great at least during the terrible two’s until reality cuts it down to an acceptable self-image.  The narcissist never leaves this stage of self-adulation. It is his shelter and defense against knowing himself to be a hollow man or woman.

The narcissist’s feelings are easily wounded. You, their child are expected to applaud, to build them up and support them. Once grown, the only way out of this un-loved affair is to leave it. You will be met with a barrage of objections, called selfish and self-centered after all “I have done for you.’ You need to take a gigantic step of not accepting the parent’s accusation that you are abandoning them since in the narcissistic parent’s unconscious mind, they remain your child.

The “sponge self” you developed under their barrage of projection and need has to be recognized and discarded. A sponge cannot say here I am and here I am not, regardless of what you say about me. The sponge self automatically agrees with the narcissist’s idealization or denigration. The narcissistic parent will never stop asking you for more. Do not fight with them to see you as you are since they can’t do it. Fighting is a form of attachment. It is a demand the parent set you free rather than you freeing yourself. Gracefully as possible move into the wonderful confusion of owning your own life.