Raised to Fail

 

Raised by parents who condemned you, their expectations became your belief. Now you cause it to happen. Belief pushes you over the cliff. Your parents had no respect for you. Now grown, you are happy when people act respectful. But let someone act as if you are unworthy and you throw yourself into a well of hopeless depression. You are a sponge for misery. You live to make your parents right. For you it is the cost of love.

You find friends who play a complimentary role to your self-hatred. Partners and friends steal from you and verbally put you down. A friend who is able to pick and choose her beliefs, tells you to ask a very egotistical man for advice. She is able to take what is good and discard the rest. You are not. You swallow the fact and poison whole. That man is an egotist. He tells you that now you got off the bus, you are doomed to fail and live in ever increasing misery. You believe it!

You love a man who robs you. You expect ill health, eat junk food, a lot of sugar and coffee and become sick. You dwell on all your experiences of failure and ignore all of success. You fall into the ditch your parents dug for you.

What must you do to change? Find friends who like and support you. Drop those who do the opposite. Simply say “busy” and leave with a smile and a wave. Do not try to win those who are out to get you. Do not apologize for leaving. Life offers you as many chances as you need. Feel compassion for yourself and others; Laugh after making the same mistake. Offer to help to people who need it. Not so worthless after all. Do wild things. Take off the constraining harness and do it your way. Feeling free is wonderful fun.

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Ringing Your Hands Will Not Do It

You see the country being stolen from under your feet. The rule of law is followed only if it serves those who will profit from it. The law is twisted or ignored. Governing traditions through the ages are disregarded. This is the meaning of dictatorship. The new hoped to be a Supreme Court Justice Kavanaugh, does not offer all his records and the few he does, are offered with no time to read them as set by a racing to power Republican Congress. What we do know about him shows that he interprets whatever comes before him to the benefit of big business. He does not think of how that effect “the people.” It would be easy to conclude that he does not care.

One needn’t look for a deep interpretation. It is there right in front of your face. When one groups seizes power it must follow that the great majority will lose. That is happening right now. The congress gave themselves and their top 1% population  enormous tax relief, which people in their tax bracket do not need. Bernie Sanders and all the on-lookers predicted that now the Alt right Republicans will use the emptiness of their tax supported kitty by offering to take away or greatly reducing Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security  which has nothing to do with taxes and is paid  for by workers in every check during their life of labor. Social Security is a kind of savings account which only the super rich who ever desire “more” call “entitlement.”

Theft is going on and we, the average citizen are the victims. What do to about it? Ring our hands and complain to one another. Our noise effects those who make decisions no more than chickens cackling on the way to the slaughter house. We have- to speak to our locally elected people and tell them what we want. We vote those who represent us in and kick them out if they do not live up to their promises.

We need to go on economic strike. That was what Martin Luther King did to get the bus boycott settled in favor of the strikers. They drove each other to work or where ever they had to go. Almost no one paid a bus fare. How does that apply to us? We keep giving our money to war, to our mass incarceration prison industry, jailing more people given our population than anywhere else in the world. Added to the prison industry’s maw of greed are illegal immigrants.  We support what works against us by what we buy. The sales tax goes to fund governmental policies. We pay the owner or  corporation that supports policies which equally  fund our down fall.

Tax money,  corporations whose goods we buy, owners, all of these supporting racist policies keep pushing us down. Money and rights given to constructing towers which no one can afford but no money is given to create housing for the rest of us. Needless housing is funded for the construction industry which supports those politicians.  How about AT@T over charging prisoners in jail. But we say, how can we live without AT@T? Needs thinking. How about schools not funded to pay teachers, to provide lunch and books and working bathrooms, art and gym and travel and on and – all that education used to be before the kids of rich people went to private schools.

We have- to know what our spending supports. Put your mind into the internet of survival. The dollar is a very strong weapon. Make a public announcement about why we are not buying certain products of certain corporations. Then do not buy it. The sad truth about the super rich is that they never have enough! Hard to imagine but true so what we do not spend is our weapon. Living a simple life, a sharing life, a do it yourself life can set us free.

 

Should We Forgive Mistreatment

Many people say you should never forgive those who have hurt you. That is not entirely an unwise statement but needs serious reshaping. First and most important, you need to understand yourself.   Forgiveness does not mean you erase memory. It also doesn’t mean that memory chases you forever like an enraged beast. We are afraid of forgiving anyone because we do not understand the consequences.  Forgiving doesn’t mean that you give in to the kind of person who wounds you over and over again in the same kind of way. It doesn’t mean becoming more vulnerable to attack. Forgiveness does not let you be a victim.

You need to uncover why you surrenders to mistreatment. Even that you seek it out. This compulsion comes from mistreatment during your early years. For example, I had a lying, bloviating father who spoke with fervor and would attack me if I questioned him in any way. Fast forward to adult mistreatment. I tend to give in to people who present themselves as experts and are hurt if I do not agree with them. The more I give into that person the harder it is to stop. I feel inexplicable fear. It is like sliding into emotional, physical and financial hell. It is the hell of my childhood.

Know your wounded inner child. See how the people you allow to wound you resemble the original wounding one. When such a person gets into the I am going to hurt you mood for doing or being this or that, take courage. Force yourself to act courageous. Call attention to what they are doing and if they cannot stop or even do not understand what you say, it is time to leave. Probably for good.

It is like a dog that bites the extended hand. Of you know the dog is a biter, do not extent your hand.  Do not reach for the dog in hope the dog has changed. If the assaulting adult seems to like or even love you after you surrender to the kind of wishes which do you some kind of harm, even to your spirit, what kind of love is that? Expecting a close relationship with an assaultive person has nothing to do with forgiveness. It is accepting misery as your lot in life.

You learn how far to go with a person who intends to hurt because they have done it before. Your spirit, your everything will be damaged by surrender. Your boundaries in terms of what you will allow need to be based on experience. Do not apologize for setting limits. Restraint is your right and privilege.  Forgive the biter for attempting to bite because they are a biter but do not forget that they bite. A proper distance creates forgiveness. If the attacker will not accept your restraint and attacks you for it, feel free to take your leave. Forgiveness is not slavery.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Do Something

Government will do nothing for us. The price for candidates running for office is paid for by corporations which later will determine their vote. Slaves, servants, gold diggers, addicts, “buy me” people will make pleasant speeches to the common person about all the good they will do but once elected you are ignored and forgotten. Speeches go in the “seduce them” file undoubtedly to be used again.

Are we commoners to give up and fade away? Are we to beg alms from such as these? Come on, now friend. The bank door is closed.  Be real. We have-to come together, stand together, think together. We need to choose people to vote for from our neighborhood, people we know. If they do not come through once in office, we throw them out. We do not fall for Madison Avenue publicity images and lies. We have-to ignore pressure to turn against one another in order to divide us. white against black, man against woman, hetero against homo, “Americans” against Muslims, anti-teachers, anti-newspapers and on and on. We are being manipulated to vent our rage against people who are in the same boat as we are rather than against politicians that steal from us.

Should we join unions? Yes. In union there is strength. Do not listen to those who hold the purse full of your unpaid wages, trying to convince you that joining a union robs you of your freedom. Speaking together with one voice has power. The corporate elected whore worries. Unions inform that person, you/we will not vote for you again unless we get better wages, health care, retirement benefits, vacation time, job security, like you once promised? Hold the politician’s feet to the fire. They need to feel the heat.

Get together with neighbors and share community tasks. Find your specialty. Make sure that everyone has enough to eat. Do not throw away usable stuff including food. Think about pollution. Eat locally grown foods in season, so that you are not burning fuel to get Thai fruit in winter. Pay your local farmer a good price. Practice NIMBY (Not in my back yard) and decide how big your yard is. No destruction to be allowed there.

Fight to keep your water free of corporate waste. Don’t go to sleep after the election. Know what your elected officials are doing. Are your schools in good shape, supplies provided along with breakfast and lunch? Are teachers rewarded for good teaching; if you are doing NIMBY and your yard includes distant parks, fight against digging for oil in the Arctic where all kinds of animals reproduce. Love polar bears and wolves and eagles and whales and plankton and krill and… “45” wants to look at financial loss when deciding what to preserve. Say “No!” to that. He wants to put decision making about what to protect in the hands of states which lack the money and will to protect almost anything. Don’t let our government end the Endangered Species Act because it interferes with profit. If oil is more important than the preservation of life for a politician addicted to the buck, vote him/her out!

Turn off the TV and internet. Stop enacting a state of helpless non-existence. Enter the world of people, animals, plants. Revel in what you can do to help and do it.

 

Raised to Lose Seeking the Tortured Love of Childhood

She was raised by a father who never was satisfied with anything she did or was. He claimed to be aiming for her to succeed by pointing his verbal arrows at her, but the real intention was for her to fail.

She grew up and her love affairs were many, surprising to a woman raised to feel ugly and stupid. Few were truly love. Most were reflections of her childhood relationship with her father, but the last one topped the cake. It threatened to ruin her forever.  

It seems impossible to ourselves that we are driven to go through the same tortured experience of an unloving childhood? Why would we do such a thing? The first step in change is realizing we are doing it, but how do we know such a thing?

Once grown, she played hateful parent or hated child to her lovers. She met a man through Facebook who claimed instant love. He loved her photograph. Said her open smiling face became the center of his life. It gave him hope. She was also moved by his photo, reclining on a bench arms open as if to embrace.  

They spoke for an hour or more every day, had great fun talking. But more than anything, he wanted to hear about her. He kept himself hidden. Said he only had one friend, his dog, with pictures the adorable hound in embrace. Later, he said that she was his only friend, which touched her heart, and kept her from noticing that his hand was in her pocket. He said he loved her, even sent her a video of him singing “I love you,” with the dog’s lease outstretched, presumably his only other friend lazing just out of frame. Her heart expanded warm and full towards him.

They spoke of marriage. He said he was an architect whose plan was in a contest not yet declared. After he won it, he said he would marry her after the construction was completed. She asked to see him before he departed. He welcomed her. Spoke of shopping for food together, and how great of cook he was, but argued a bit on sharing a bathroom, as he wanted while she wanted her own. She felt they were so very close. She already had her ticket and was going to fly the next day when he claimed he was required to go to Cyprus so-as not to lose the job. Most likely he did not live at the stated address.  His location remains unknown.

His falsehoods continued to pull her in. He said that he was the kind of architect who paid for materials and labor in advance so that the corporation could not undercut materials causing the structure to be unsound and risking that it would fall apart. He said that he had invested his lifetime of savings, over one million dollars, in materials but needed help to pay for labor. Early on, he had once inquired about her savings, which she never would have entertained a response, and would have fled, if not blinded by love. He knew she had some money for emergencies.

When you fall into a lying world, you try harder and harder to believe. It is too frightening to think otherwise. The love hook was in and clouded her mind.

He asked her for $200,000.00. He said he would give her ownership of the gold left to him by his father and given to his deceased wife. Sent a photo of him, sitting in front of a table covered by a large number of gold bars. He said they were worth about $900,000.00. That is more than her initial loan sent to him.  Sent her a form to sign from Credit Suisse which changed ownership to her from his deceased wife. Later, a friend told her it was not a genuine Credit Suisse form, but a forgery sent in .jpg format instead of .pdf.

She went to her bank which refused to send the money, calling it a scam. They even knew of the gold bars as a persuasion tactic. He did not think it up.  But he insisted they were just against him without reason. She moved her funds to another bank. They also refused to send money to Cyprus for the same reason: fraud. Her guy, who now called her “wife,” gave her the address of people in US states to wire the money, keeping it below a noticeable amount. How did he know such things and how would the money get to him in Cyprus? She closed the evaluative section of her mind.  

The scam scenario hit its final note when he announced he had been robbed in a taxi on the way to pick up his equipment. His cab was stopped, the driver shot in the back, he beaten to the point of hospitalization. He sent photos of him in a hospital bed. Now a new emergency. The thieves took his briefcase and passport. Again, all money gone.   

He asked her to sell her country log home to pay custom’s fees on the machinery.  Customs again, like the one on the Canadian border holding onto the box of gold. Her country home was the last thing she had left, the last safeguard against complete poverty.

She wept—the only thing she could ever count on possessing with parents who were liars and disloyal were tears. He asked whether she loved her house more than she loved him. Repeated how he would immediately pay everything back after the equipment was delivered. The new house will be beautiful . . . on and on. She became extremely depressed. The bottom was falling out of her world in return for a (false) promise.

How could he ask her this? No. Can’t sell. Will sell … Won’t. She had to say no.

He said he couldn’t live with her lying. She was the liar, not he. He said he would lose the job, the thing he has worked for all his life. He was exhausted by her indecision. Let her house be her lover now. She was the selfish one, because it was about his desires and not hers. Not theirs.

He was gone with her money. Is he an architect? Is there a Cyprus job? Did he mean his vow to marry? Her parents were great liars. This man puts their skill to shame.

Why did she fall for this predator? Why did she not read the signs that she had recognized? She felt a combination of pain and love, but the pain growing ever deeper.

She did not listen to her inner voice, yelling at her to stop giving, or weeping in pain when she did not. She was reliving the torture of childhood with unloving parents. Giving everything away was like being home again.

How many of you are like this woman? Come to an ongoing workshop on You Choose to Lose. (212) 496-6003.

Fearful Thinking Will Kill Us

 

 

How did we get to the place where we stopped thinking of ourselves as part of a universal family? Your health and welfare and mine go hand in hand. Why now do we allow the one percent to totally rob us of our taxes to create new mansions they will live in whenever they get tired of the old one and to arm the warring factions so they can bring back the spoils? Those who would do this repeatedly tell us via TV and internet and papers on their payroll, that we are in danger. They beat the drum of helplessness and danger to magnify public fear until the warrior class is told to go ahead.

How did this community which supported peace and sharing change into one of it’s in it for me? How did a secure community turn into a powerless entity?

David Imhotep, Ph.D. found in his amazing research that blacks were the first ones in the Americas and came here some 40 or 50 maybe 60 thousand years ago. The number keeps getting bigger, using carbon dating and thermal luminescence of stone tools used some 50 to 100 thousand years ago. The Africans first came to Brazil. Writings found in caves using a combination of Egyptian and a kind of Hebrew script to tell their story.

They first built enormous mounds and then moved on to creating Pyramids. These enormous structures show people working together, as do their African plants dyes, styles of sculpture, etc. They smelted iron ore into iron. They were artists, engineer, astronomers, traders, healers, shaman. These mounds and pyramids are found around the globe. No one can figure out how so-called “primitives” raised enormous rocks weighing tons to great heights to create architectural symmetry. Place temple openings in terms of sun and moon and solstice and even Orion, a planet, were precise. We of the so-called more advanced culture, deny (and destroy) the products of these ancient cultures. We do it to sustain a myth of superiority.

Imhotep posited that it was the encroaching ice age that turned humans against group membership. It became I hold onto what I’ve got to survive. You are my enemy for wanting it. When the cold penetrates and there is little food, each family or individual is for itself

Focusing on self-interest is currently exacerbated by life-threatening climate changes caused by us. Money and power have caused us to let this happen and are not letting go of their hold. Money in their narrow focus is more important than survival. The publicists they support diminish their role in creating pollution and extol ever increasing warfare, said to protect ourselves from a fictitious enemy nation, basically to steal. We kill as we go. We, the public dwell in an emotional hell in which everyone who is of the wrong color, language, religion… is the enemy. We join the army because there are no jobs and learn to kill the “enemy.” We scream with programmed joy and rage while destroying schools and hospitals and water purification plants and fields and grandparents and children and… We are disassociated from life, turn into rabid, fearful plunderers who expect a solitary death.

We need to see ourselves and all life including plants and animals as a family and turn away from corporate violence before their incited violence erases us all. We need to form ever larger groups, no one left out.  We are all of the same genotype: human.

 

S-hole Nation: Come Together

Recently, President Donald Trump reportedly asked why so many people from “s***hole countries” like El Salvador, Haiti and specific African nations come to the US. (https://www.rt.com/usa/415658-trump-shithole-twitter-reaction/)

Dear everybody,

Shitholers of every color, sexual, religious (or non-religious) persuasion. Join hands in friendship and don’t let go.

The one-percent, the ever greediest of the greedy, are carrying out a plan based on crush, take, extinguish all the rest. This, if we raise our eyes to truth, is the plan on which this U.S. was founded—kill the native dwellers and take their land or herd them to distant places, march them in silent suffering, trodding the Trail of Tears, many finding death along the way. Take, grab, steal it all.

Today refugees flee their nations after bombings by those who intend to scoop up mineral resources, fleeing from criminals who then arrive to sop up the rest like bread dipped into soup, the drug sellers. They escape for their families, for their safety for their lives, and, in return, are met as shitholers.  

We must come together as a world family, all of us included, shitholers united. The way the 1% is moving us they will have high walls with spikes on top leaving us starving, penniless, sick. It is in the unstated outcome that we will turn on each other, stealing and killing for food to keep our children alive.  

But no. Stop. Do not go onto the path of losers. Join hands. Raise food on your window ledge, on neighborhood lots, and all available places. Make it organic. Raise plants that can stand the heat or rain or drought. Learn to mend and fix what needs fixing. Share your talents. Create group joy. Turn your backs on the “rich.” Remove yourself from them.

Create a new life of old, the way those who once lived here and cared for mother earth. You can survive as part of a large family. Let us call ourselves a Shithole nation. Laugh our way to freedom. Together.

Turn our backs on war. Keep alive the land as a haven for all life. Heal. Create a connected world.