I Identify With the Underdog and I Am Glad

I hear about a terrible childhood, a child abandoned, mistreated, raped, starved, tossed out into the street, to a life of begging and prostitution; or the opposite: I hear of a child endlessly pushed to be better than everyone else at something or at everything, the child’s inner person disregarded, the child pushed out of a sense of self, and I am sad for both of them.

Sometimes I am angry at the ignorance which keeps us digging a ditch in which to throw ourselves. The philosophy of that ditch is ignorance of the manufactured necessity of things the corporations want to sell us. I see the philosophy of ignorance as based on fear.

Like yesterday in the elevator. An elderly woman spoke against the winter rain and coming snow. I said  I hoped for rain and snow. “Oh no,” she exclaimed, especially against the cold of snow. I said we need the water. New York State is in a state of drought, hot on the heels of California which is returning to desert. Another woman spoke to me with an air of disapproval, “You think that?”

Having just written a short essay on needing to return to the Commons, nothing owned, all life taken care of, I had a fierce reaction. I loudly exclaimed: “Drought is not something I think. It is a scientific fact. ” The woman dropped her eyes and scurried away after the elevator door opened. I hurried to her side and said, “I hope you aren’t offended by what I said.” “I’m not,” she said meaning “I am” and walked away faster still.

But of course, she was offended not only by my tone but by my words. She did not want to know that my speaking of local drought had reality behind it. I criticized myself for being speaking with anger, since the way I spoke helped her closed the door of learning. Defensively, I said to myself, but what about my anger over those who disregard emergency? I said, does your anger help? I felt that what I did was wrong but my angry child held on to fighting. We all of us have to deal with the ambivalence of feeling versus knowing.

The part of me that identifies with the underdog was outraged. I was angry that she did not allow herself to see the painful death that is fast approaching. It is said that by mid-century, 50% of all wild creatures will be dead. Rather than having centuries to study our criminal neglect, we humans go with them. I was angry at her for needing not to know. I was angry at her for the weakness that we share.

Anger has to do with feeling helpless and ignored. It has to do with feeling the pain of life bumping against the ignorance of those without knowing, attack Mother Earth to have more of something trivial. Anger is a defense against feeling overwhelming pain.

I tell myself I need to learn to curb my temper in order to have a good effect. I tell myself that I have to learn how to gracefully fail.

Please buy my book Unloved Again,”  Paperback ($16 including shipping, Squareup.com/store/elangolomb

 

 

 

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How Do You Know If You Are in a Repetition Compulsion?

You don’t know. You can’t know. Others may spot it but you don’t The internal bricks from an unloved childhood are lined up against the door of knowing. Other people who are not like you can easily see your repetition but you deny it. You call it “chance event,” an insignificant coincidence. Say that it is not a close a resemblance. Says you, as they remark in my native Brooklyn. The part of you that resonates with inexplicable fear, instead of finding out from whence it comes, makes you deny it harder.

Your friends say that they are trying to help you and probably they are but you do not think so. You react instead as if they are trying to hurt you. The issue as discussed in my book Unloved Again is that three of you reside inside your mind. One of you is the sensible adult, a not sufficiently developed sense of self that does not want to be with the unloving people you find yourself with. I use the word find because you have no idea of how this has happened. You think, “I certainly wouldn’t choose this.” You see yourself as passive.

Those behind the bricked-up mental door are the internalized parent and child of childhood. They work to  direct your adult mind away from them while sending messages which shape what you think and feel. You are easily seduced. You treat what enters your mind from behind the bricked door as coming from your true  self. Your adult mind has fallen into the past and does not know it. The internalized “freezing parent” and “frozen child” tell you how to think.

It is the “freezing parent” which demands fealty and submission. It is the “frozen child” which submits. These run who you love and how. The reason you do not see this is because the “freezing parent” needs you not to know. You are not to know that the “freezing parent” wants to turn you into a “frozen child.”

In order to end the repetition compulsion, your adult mind has to separate from r past identities, to see a difference between then and now. The adult has to stop paying attention to ancient feelings of loss and dread. It is the adult’s right to let the past be past.Sometimes ignoring the past involves an internal (or even verbal) statement of “shut up” and “get lost.” Sometimes it involves laughing as if told a good joke.

The adult has to pay attention to his choice of  unloving partners until he stops attributing them to chance. The adult accepts that “It is I who choose” and “It is I who end it” if it turns out to be another repetition. The aduIt knows he has little experience with loving people but vows to search until he/she finds someone whose feelings warm me up. With that person, I will make a home.

Get my book Unloved Again today! Email me directly at elangolomb@gmail.com in order to get your signed copy. Hardcover ($25 including shipping) and Paperback ($16 Squareup.com/store/elangolomb.

How Did I Come to Write Unloved Again

I Wanted to Study how I learned to love those who could not love. It was writing Unloved Again that taught me the origin is childhood pain denied.

You who love those who cannot love you or reject those who can, do not know why you do it. It is like you are in a state of amnesia. You do not know how you got here. Things simply happen to you. If you are unable to see that it is you who make the choices, in effect the same mistakes, ask the opinion of people who are objective. Repetition is a tell-tale sign of choice.

It is like you are perched on the roof of a dark and shuttered house. You do not know how you got there nor how to enter. You periodically receive messages from that house along with feelings. These messages tell you who to love and hate including to hate yourself. You think these messages come from the “real you.”

Why do you assume that this inner voice represents your adult self?  It is like believing advice from someone who profits if you make the “right  choice.” Accepting the terrified thinking of your inner child and the terrifying directives of your inner parent denies that you can grow. You are to remain fixed in childhood. You may fool yourself into accepting  these opinions by calling them your “intuition.” There are so many ways we fool ourselves.

The internal structure of the darkened house is very fragile. Its parts connect one to the other like cripples leaning against one another for greater balance. If one of them steps out of the pack, all the rest fall down.  The source of this mad circumstance of lasting disorder is that it represents half fighting and half surrender. It is the power of surrender which brings the parts down together – I fall into you. It is the power of resistance which binds the two together – You can’t get up without me. This building is covered by a dark roof which protects its contents from the wind and rain of recognition. You are to hear what it tells you and feel what it sends you but not understand the source.

How the child survived with unloving, brutal and rejecting parents is what the house is about. Many of these aspects have to do with denying the reality of what happened. The child turns his abuse into something better or takes the blame for it. If it all was his fault, punishment was called for. Does he need more? The parent was a bully whose nails of hatred were hammered into the child’s wood of self-identity. How does the adult handle this? How does it color his view of love?

The adult perched on the roof hears the child’s distant cry and takes it as his own. He has not separated from his internal child. Some neurotically-driven people dedicate their lives  to saving the inner child. But you cannot rewrite the past. You can only understand it in order to leave the past behind. Those dedicated to saving their remembered inner child, sacrifice their present life. There are many forms of arrested development and this is one.

To accept the feelings and directives from that darkened house is to declare yourself invalid. You need to break into that mental building and examine its every piece. Study the child’s willingness to surrender. See the rationalizations and lies that make this possible. Study your parent’s emotional weakness which underlies their terrifying behavior. Remember them as hungry ghosts, throat too small to swallow and fill their endless need  (Dante’s Inferno) Get a calendar in your mind so that you can distinguish past from present.

You will be energized to follow this difficult path by pain. See that your pain was inflicted by a cruel parent who needed to injure their child. Reject accepting pain as the path to love. Do not identify punishment as love. Pain is pain and  nothing else. Pain is a terrible connection. Sever yourself from that kind of union. Pain is there to alert you to do something about its source not to surrender, not to quiet you down. Growing numb does not free you. Feeling my pain and understanding where it comes from and especially not accepting a guilty position helped me stop choosing people who could not love me You can do it too.

Unloved Again shows people struggling to understand their history. The internal child will always cry in terror. Is that terror relevant to your “now?” The internal parent will always threaten the child. Should you, the adult be afraid? An adult mind declares these experiences to be from the past. It is time for achieving great emptiness in order for something new to enter.  Loving someone who can love you now is living in the present.

Get my book Unloved Again today! Email me directly at elangolomg@gmail.com in order to get your signed copy. Hardcover ($25 including shipping) and Paperback ($16 Squareup.com/store/elangolomb.)

Life Is Calling You

Survivors of concentration camps were the ones that were motivated to get through great hardship in order to tell their story the starvation and freezing and cholera and typhus, typhoid, and diphtheria; the murder of parents and siblings and children. The weak ones were chosen to go first, the strong ones consigned to back-breaking work half clothed in freezing weather until they succumbed. Some were shot in groups after digging their graves, many perished breathing poisonous gas after supposedly cleansing showers. The survivors see themselves as griots, who sustain their lineage by telling its history. Not knowing your history keeps you from knowing what makes you who you are.

What kind of history created this Anthropocene era, leaders pulling the masses into a murderous spree in which we use up everything possible , consuming all of it now as if there is no tomorrow in which we may need some more of it, no consideration of that object’s right to exist; we kill as an act of power over those we want to subdue like knocking off most of the buffaloes even from train windows to subdue the natives. Currently, we see economic value which turns an earth-object,mineral, animal or plant into money. We exterminate whole species of sea life, as a necessary byproduct of using gigantic nets to harvest certain fish, dumping the rest all dead, overboard, the turtles and sharks and porpoises and….We transform sensate beings and living plants into inanimate objects. We turn everything into nothing.

Since Congress said that money is a form of speech and that corporations are people, everything is for sale. Protective fences can be removed by those who claim ownership often at the point of a gun. The corporation or corporate man buys the local “commons” so that the local dwellers  can no longer graze their sheep, later sheer them for wool which is woven and made into clothing. The man is deprived of the land he needs to raise what he eats. If he buys instead of inheriting his farm, bank interest makes it impossible for him to keep it. He cannot control his destiny. Has no place to call home.

We who argue for the preservation of life have insufficient funds to “persuade” elected officials to support it. Greed and stupidity rule them (rule us as well if we believe what we are told about the wonderful advancement that will soon be ours if we give up our land connection. Greed and stupidity  are driving us all to extinction.

How important are trees in the Brazilian Amazon rain forest, trees that hold onto shallow top soil with their roots and create oxygen from their leaves? Not as important to the “modern man” who wants to raise cattle to sell to McDonald’s. The man is rarely native. He does not love the earth and his connection to it.  His only connection to it is his need for wealth. He and his gang kill natives who object to losing their home and garden; either that or allows them to work as near-slaves. He cuts down every tree in order to plant grass. It is not long before the rainy season washes away the topsoil with its grass. Nothing grows there now. Cows without grass become stringy and unsellable. The cattlemen will have to move on, to destroy a new section of the forest and leave behind a growing desert.

Why are there no magnet-powered trains which can take us to every little town? How did the auto industry take over so that now we only can travel by car on endlessly expanding roads? Corporations that build cars, dig roads, extract, refine and sell gas, have purchased Congressional votes. Lawmakers go deaf whenever a natural approach is mentioned. Those who want non-polluting trains have insufficient funds to get the ear of Congress. Humans are amazingly repetitive. Once some process has been installed, it becomes the only way to do it. Money is the glue for this. A terrible fear of poverty annihilates the possibility of change.

Environmental solutions are called “romantic” by those in power by which they mean unrealistic and unimportant. The Anthropocene “extractors” have the fantasy of a future solution to the damage they are causing. They have no sense of time, no idea that time is running out. Anthropocene means man-created disaster.  If we admit to harming the earth and all its dwellers, to what extent have we come to think our destruction is inevitable? Such an idea is a severe narrowing of vision. The “use-it-up” society is mentally myopic.

Corporations exist in the present. They have cash registers in the place of hearts. Congressmen are on a short leash. When environmentally sensitive people argue against turning trees into paper/plywood; or cutting them down to plant coconut trees for coconut oil, they turn away. Who can convince them of our need for the multiplicity of living things instead of making a profit? The Anthropocene mentality regards the market as its god. All living things which suffer from corporate “taking” and are disregarded.

We feel our loss of a clear sky and pure water, of bird song. We react to starving iceless polar bears and emaciated baby seals and …. How are we to react to these losses? Hopelessness guarantees permitting more destruction especially by denying its existence or its size. Unable to handle hopelessness we give up our morality. Shades fall down between our sense of self and our painful feelings. We become robotic. Or we accept the market mentality, a join them if you can’t lick them approach. It is OK to devour nature.

Indifference is the attitude of those who have given up. They are dead before their body falls. A spirit disconnected from life is into dying. I say no to that. What is our tax money going for? What do we want our government to provide? We want free schools and free medicine, woods to walk in, bird song in the spring, clean air to breath and clean water to drink. We want a living world.

We are told that the great extinction we are causing is a natural thing and that some animals will adapt to their loss of habit. Lies. Feel your pain. Your anger. What are you going to do about preserving life?

Get my book Unloved Again today! Email me directly at elangolomb@gmail.com in order to get your signed copy. Hardcover ($25 including shipping) and Paperback ($16 Squareup.com/store/elangolomb) .

Silence Is Not Golden

What do you know about hurricane Matthew? Most of us, not much. Matthew is mentioned by the press and by those running for office as “bad weather,” which totally leaves us in the dark. What is causing this ever mounting climate debacle? The VP and Presidential candidates do not call it climate change. They  do not explain ever increasing winds and rain as a result of human activity. They do not heed the consequences of our increasing burning fossil fuel, of coal,and oil and gas. Oh no. That would upset their major supporters, corporations paying their advertising fees and the cost of their high living. It would put all of them out of business.

I listened to May Boeve of 350.org on Amy Goodman’s “Democracy Now.” She gave  a clear perspective on hurricane Matthew. First, we have oceans rising as glaciers melt into the sea. Ice-bound lands like Greenland are turning brown as ice melts so that the brown earth is exposed which absorbs heat, hence more melting. Melting permafrost everywhere releases methane, a gas that increases global warming more than does CO2. Permafrost melt releases buried radioactive material. Ice does not last “forever” as was counted on by those who buried the radioactive waste, not if we heat things up.

Secondly, there is the turbulence. The winds outside Florida reached 104 miles per hour. There is increasing wind speed over islands because the ocean there is warmer. Huge  and expanding damage is happening to Haiti,  her crops ripped from the soil, her  water increasing infected by cholera, an infection brought to the island by UN workers after the earthquake catastrophe.

Robinson explained that wind speed depends on the temperature of the evaporating water. The ocean is getting warmed to ever greater depth  by the outpouring of heat from our use of carbon fossil fuel. If cold water evaporates into a storm, the turbulence slows down. If hot water evaporates, the storm speeds up. Hot water is on the rise.

Republican candidate Mike Pence says he supports the coal mining industry. Republican President candidate, Donald Trump states that he doubts global warming. President Obama criticized North Dakota’s mistreatment of the Standing Rock Sioux trying to stop digging of their reservation (including holy sites) to protect Mother Earth but did Obama not stop the sale of an adjacent ranch which is used to move the oil. So-called leaders make humanitarian statements but do not follow through with effective action. They are masters of “sound bites.”

The extraordinarily tuned-out “planners” want to run ever-leaking gas lines past the frequently disabled Indian Point which should have been long-closed. One leak out of this gas line whose spill is touched by a flame say from lightning or from a poorly snuffed-out match that falls on the grass and it’s goodbye New York City and its environs.

Island dwellers are already the first to go thanks to rising waters and lethal storms.  But we, the mainland dwellers are next in line. Elected officials who shape the US economy and are supported by the fossil using industry, speak of building walls to keep out climate refugees. Trump and others label these refugees criminals, drug dealers, worthless parasites (by Trump of Mexicans), to support the myth of our needed self-protection- us against them.

People object to oil trains traveling past which explode into their homes and towns and schools. What are we doing about this short-sighted planning? How are we going to get our economy to use life-supporting energy from the wind, sun, geothermal, tidal, magnetic, whatever is next dreamed, a source that has no destructive side-effects? If the noise of these people’s objection gets loud enough accompanied by comparable voting, perhaps the “planners” will hear them.

Get my book Unloved Again today! Email me directly at elangolomb@gmail.com in order to get your signed copy. Hardcover ($25 including shipping) and Paperback ($16 including shipping) versions available. Payment collected via Squareup.com/store/elangolomb.com

 

 

 

No Time for That

Thinking about the short-sighted ideas which move us to do things for the shadiest of reasons, especially for quick profit. Usually, the ones who set the plan in action are those who already are well-off and hope for much more. Those who carry out their orders are  terrified of losing their jobs and don’t think of much else. Everyone is wearing blinders.

Corporations wanting to have cheap disposal drop poisonous waste into rivers. factory farm workers fed grow-fast hormones and antibiotics not to beef and pork and chickens and turkeys so that they die fattened enough to get a good price when slaughtered. We consume the animal’s flesh with all its poisonous additives. Where did you think they went? We are poisoned too. We find the supposedly inexplicable explosion of ADD, ADHD, autism, allergies, chronic fatigue in our children and increasingly in adults. It is not a matter of better diagnostics finding something that was always there. Farm engineering so far from the natural way of life is making Mother Earth, her animals, plants, and people sick.

Then we get to the destructiveness of fighting. War is a business. It makes money for those who sell the weapons. We destroy people and earth with nuclear explosions and unmanned drones. We spray the “enemy’s” soil with Agent Orange, so that nothing can grow there, and on and on. We make the land unlivable. Nazi German’s Goering said that fear will always make the people come to heel. Those who run the war machine make the people afraid of the enemy. Next thing they are in arms. For those who profit from it, their hands are full but their hearts are empty.

Will Mother Earth recover during our lifetime or even in that of our offspring? What can I do to make a difference? I am afraid of stirring up a negative reaction in those who fear they will lose what they have. True, earth conscious behavior will remove some of these “things” and give us many others. This includes birds singing in the trees and windmills turning on our lights.

I met Pete Seeger, the great American folksinger at Buck’s Rock Work Camp when I was about 12. We were invited to sing along with him. Everyone bellowed the words to: “If I had a hammer, to “Where have all the Flowers Gone,” to “Turn, Turn, Turn,” an Amish poem  Pete set to music. We came in on the chorus to “This land is your land,” Pete tapped his foot and sang while he strummed his banjo. He told stories that made us laugh and cry. It went on for hours. We all wanted more.

Pete had a great love for life. His relatives way back came on the Mayflower. He understood their flight to freedom when stood up to the McCarthy House of Un-American Activities Committee that was tracking down Communist sympathizers. They demanded Pete name his “Commie friends.” He responded, “Have You No Sense of Decency?”

He lived with his wife Toshi, in a log cabin he built himself. There were many visitors, song- writers, musicians, environmentalists, people. There was as a lot of singing and strumming of all kinds of instruments new and old. He got a group together to demand that the Hudson River polluting corporations clean up their waste. They did. I heard that Toshi would run to the phone to answer before Pete because he would invariably answer, “yes” to any request to appear for a good cause. There was no keeping him from joining worthy struggles.

I met him years later standing at a street corner of New York City, banjo over his shoulder waiting for the light to change. I went up to Pete my beloved teacher and said, “with all that is going on, I feel that nothing I can do will help. He smiled at me and said as he strode into the crosswalk, “No time for that.”

Pete traveled and sang to inspire children and adults to take care of one another as well as Mother Earth. He was a good man who lives on in our hearts and minds.

Thank you, Pete.

 

 

Don’t Put On a Happy Face

It’s interesting, the publicity campaign for my book always puts forward the idea of making yourself and your family happy while leaving out the entire middle part. It is like climbing Mt. Everest by helicopter. Actually nothing gets climbed that way. Happiness it not achieved by helicopter science. This ad campaign misses the entire gist of my recently published book Unloved Again. The message of Unloved Again is that you are programmed during your formative years of childhood by childhood experience, not by words, to make yourself (and ultimately your lover and your children) to be unhappy. Unloved Again shows you how to get out of this “program.” Climbing this mountain requires that your unconscious motivation, your fear and drive become conscious. Then, you can move away.

You can’t stop doing something if you do not know what it is. You can put on a happy face and do the same old thing. Publicity has joined the central idea of our “avoid feeling pain” society, that pain must be avoided from the start. Putting this foremost as your intention, is following a path to nowhere but where you are. Pain serves a purpose for man and beast. Pain tells you that something is wrong and needs your attention, that something needs to be changed. Pain is vital to finding a path to happiness.

Seeking a quick fix means that that you are going to have ever more of it. If your behavior is hurting someone else, you have to admit their pain. If someone is hurting you, you have to feel and know it. When you tell the person who is hurting you to stop, you have to recognize that they have heard you by what they say and do. If they do not stop hurting you, the next step is up to you. It is your choice whether to go or remain a suffering beggar.

Those who think that their speech has not been clear enough, or who think due to some personal short-coming they need to beg and beg again, that they need to make sacrifices to win the other person’s love, that they have to learn to grin and bear it, these are the ones with a smiling face behind which their painful heart is sobbing, these are the ones whose self-condemning cause them to lead a hurtful life.

Note your pain clearly. Tell your partner about it. If the one who hurts you is too angry or condemnatory to do anything about it including punishing you for speaking, you need to get out of that situation, not just for the moment but for good. If you are too frightened to make the change, if you do not know how to escape , there are organizations that help abused partners get out, not to grin and bear it. Do not give up. Seek help. Get clear and strong. Move on.