So many years ago, I read Be Here Now by Ram Das, a one-time college professor who turned “seeker” after meeting, Nim Karoli Baba, an Indian spiritual man who responded to Ram Das’s recent loss of a dying mother without hearing Ram Das speak of it. Ram Das’s heart opened then. He had a friend.
About that time, I took my first and only acid trip and saw the aura surrounding trees. Well, that did it. I had to go to India myself and find people who also see what is. Once there after looking at this and that, I had a life-changing experience in a 3rd class bus station. You never know when miracles will happen. I saw an elderly man sleeping on a mat surrounded by a handful of people sitting cross-legged around him. I went over out of curiosity and saw an unimaginably beautiful man. My befuddled brain said he looks like a movie star. Then I saw his golden aura and felt his love. It blew through me like a hurricane. I sat down with them. That experience has been my guiding star, to feel what I felt then. Love is inter-me and you as Thich Nhat Hanh says. I and you are the same.
Then recently, I was terribly upset by a boyfriend who set me up to lend him money for his project which turned out to be a lie and left me broke. I even sold my most beloved possession to help him out. Then I was visited by my long time Indian friend. He saw my suffering and got very hurt and angry I could not stop myself when the tears flowed because he shared my grief. Before my friend arrived, I told him what I had been too ashamed to tell anyone, I had huddled alone in helpless sadness.
He has a funny way of insisting on the full truth. How can you not tell? He held my shoulder and said we are friends for life. Can I believe him or is it another scam? He said when he visits me he will pay my office rent when, he uses it. He wants to evaporate my loss. He calls it “fixing your kitty.” Not a you pay me first and then I will repay you “double” scam. I have started to breathe again.
Can someone pretend to love you? Yes. and often people do especially those with bad intentions. Some say “I love you” but do not know what love is. Love is not a shallow and passing state like drinking a Coke when you’re thirsty and needing another one soon after. True love does not go away. It is its own reward.
Do you feel manipulated by one who claims to love you? Don’t ignore it. Your heart is a compass whose needle aims at love. It is our own true north. Heart knows when love is absent, knows when there is no inter-I and you in it. Heart knows when you are being taken even if mind is confused. Do not let the frightened inner child surrender because it fears the punishing parent.
There is nothing more wonderful than love. The world opens-up and you are not alone.