A very good friend read my book Unloved Again and said he did not understand what changed me after such a long life of repetitive and self-inflicted misery in the ways of love.
There is a tendency to repeat. The brain never loses the memory of our compulsive hurtful choices although we like to think that it does. We push memory of bad love experience into a dark black closet of the mind thinking nothing will open that door again.
But opening happens without our noticing. Beset by the possibility of adventuring into the new, we unknowingly cling to well-known misery and childishly believe that some kind of magical force will change the outcome. Such repetition is supported by the inner child’s need to white wash our parent’s hate. The child holds onto the idea that surely love lies behind it. It clings to the belief that this time same will lead to difference.
That is where misery can be beneficial. You have-to reach the point of total despair. You have to give up the old, to be unwilling to drag your body through the same thorny emotional bush. That our love road goes nowhere cannot be denied. We argue with ourselves. Perhaps the inadequate love we’ve always “gotten” is all that can be had. But our misery has a Stop sign! Our mind declares I prefer the howling open wastes of Nowhere-Ville to the despair of doing the same. You must reach that place where repetition becomes undoable to let go of history. You have-to be so aching for real love that you step into the space of unknowing.
Only then will a person whose loving spirit can be felt by yours. People say love at first sight is only nonsense! Yes and no to that. With false love at first sight the repetition compulsion will happen. You are trapped in loveless repetition. True love at first sight is different experience since both of you are sending messages of love.
Those who confuse true love offered from one depicted with phony gestures have not suffered enough to know the difference. Those who sufficiently recognized the source of pain will move on.