The Talionic principle cannot exist in love. An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. Is there any greater insanity than that? It was written in the Jewish Torah and was at that time metaphoric but in the mind of contemporary man, wanting to gain ever greater power, the message is exaggeratedly literal.
Since the mind’s response is reactive and additive, if your lover does something hurtful, you the injured party want to create your partner pain. You express hurtful words, hit that person, threaten abandonment or actually leave. What you do “back” reflects your grudge-carrying mind. Love and hatred cannot co-exist.
If one of you falls into a grudging. reactive mind and your lover reacts by copying, you both will fight. It is like one of you digs a hole and both of you fall in. You both surrender to retaliatory rage. One fight leads to another since both of you are in a retaliatory state. The reactive mind is keeping track and tallying offenses some of them imagined or personalized when unintentional. There is no end to it unless you leave the Talionic brain.
Look inside yourself. When something does not go to your liking, do you hear the words, “smite him/her?” The reactive even paranoid ‘You’re against me” mind that is worshiped by our gun-carrying population says stand your ground. Killing even due to misperception of an innocent person as “criminal” is legal in Florida.
The heart says “Oh no” to the urge to hurt. The heart says “we are one.” According to Eckhart Tolle, the great philosopher of love, the mind associated with our ego is all about separation, about what I can get from you and what, if I am not guarded, you can take from me. It is all about building fences, holding onto what’s mine and shutting out your expected greedy attack.
The part of the mind we call our “ego” lacks a loving center. It is like a computer programmed to “control’ and “win.” The ego pulls us into a landslide of conflict and grief instead of love. It gets us to squabble and fight and even to kill. It says I am not my brother’s keeper. It gets you to say to the one you love, “You wanted to hurt me by doing this or that” so I must hurt you back (Talionic). The retaliatory principle breeds hateful isolation. Pretty soon, to your shocked amazement and confusion, you love no more.
How do you get back to love? Go to the heart. Say you are sorry for what you have said and done. Not only say but feel it. Words without feeling are like the action of a puppet in which someone else pulls the strings. If your partner has not preceded or joined you in the pit of negative emotions, you will be forgiven. If they remain there, you need to remain in the land of objective love. Without being seduced by hateful words, that person will join you. Love is enormously attractive. If they cannot, you will feel impelled to move on.
Do not to fall into your own or your partner’s childish mind. If you stand for love regardless, there is no way for alienation to continue. Real love cannot be faked. The warring person once their mind has quieted down, will clearly feel it. Then you both are home.