Do your love relationships start in the stars and end in the gutter? Recognize the pattern.
Are you unclear about what loving is? Study your history to see how your thinking developed. You may have a lot to unlearn in order to know love.
Are you attracted to mistreatment as much as it troubles you? “Nice people” strike you as boring.
Do your friends worry about whom you choose to love but you see it as representing your true self and feel compelled to continue. Your needing this is not a conscious action. You admit your lover has abused you, particularly when pressed to do so but in your heart, the abuse is dismissed or taken as a sign of love.
Do you always take the blame when things go wrong? It is your fault with Mr./Ms. Perfect. They agree with you as faulty, an ongoing hurtful harmony.
Since you cannot see that you deliberately choose to be with an unloving person, how are you to change it? Awareness precedes change. Awareness is your goal.
You need to develop an adult mind that properly labels abuse. This means leaving your inner child behind as a deciding factor. The inner child may scream about it as frustrated children do which does not make their opinion justified or right.
You can do it.