My time of freedom which didn’t turn out to be what I expected. Whatever my parent’s, society’s, teacher’s, friend’s idea of what I would do, I didn’t. Freedom, I thought it would be expressed as saying yes to lying in bed until 8. To my surprise, I bounded out of bed at 6:15 raring to go. This is happening every day.
I didn’t stay up writing past midnight, forcing my exhausted brain to say something worthy when my thoughts were barely defined. Instead, I looked at what friends were saying on Facebook. They sought a higher reality or were parading their/our mistakes. I looked at George Carlin cavorting about the way we fool ourselves into thinking we are doing something amazingly great or utterly worthless, people lost in illusion. I laughed myself silly. He has a dirty and brilliant tongue.
I find myself laughing at a lot of things these vacation days. It is like shaking crumbs, threads, dirt, that somehow cling to our coat then feeling freed and lighter. I laugh when noticing the juxtaposition of things that don’t belong together on or around me. I laugh when I observe toddlers doing what they want to do, whether Mommy likes it or not. They are a beautiful part of self we need to recover.
I am surprisingly neater than usual. I step back from the picture and it steps back from me. When you are in the middle of the bedlam of work, everything needs to be done right now. The undone mob of chores yells into your ear, do me first! The done job presses its lips together in disapproval indicating that you have failed again. The internal critical parent puts an ever higher hoop for you to jump through.
My mind says, “turn it off” to the internal disapproving parent and “enough” weeping to the internal “submissive child. ” Being on vacation is a chance to be a real adult who can play and mess around or get up early or late, to do what and when it wants.
What is the lesson in all of this? I/we need more vacations. We need more time to catch up or to not catch up, not to jump to the whip of internalized conscience – as the Beetles would say, “to let it be.” I remember the book which set me on a spiritual quest to India, written by a former psychologist now known as Ram Das. It is called Be Here Now. I loved the book but still asked, what does it mean? I had to go to India to find out. The journey that began with Ram Das is now part of my search into how to be here now.
I heard a radio program yesterday on NPR in which physicists stated that there is no now, that there is only past and future. I thought, how did I enter this madhouse? They said time was like sand deposited by waves on a beach; waves in all water = yesterday, and waves out all sand = tomorrow. They went on to say that there is no time between.
They reminded me of an old Sid Caesar comedy routine with Imogene Coca in which they pretended to be a Swiss clock, she the milkmaid pouring cow’s milk into a container as the hour struck and he the man who struck the gong. By the end of the sequence in which all went awry, she poured the milk on his head and he hit her with his mallet. How did these scientific jokers get the point where there is no present?
They also proved their unavailable present as a physiological fact, that from the moment a stimulus is introduced to your nervous system, it takes time for the impulse to travel to your brain so what you receive is past. This proves to them that there is no way to be here now. They underestimate the capacity of the mind to do things outside the box. If we put fences around our mind, the path it follows will be narrow and predetermined This mind will give us no more than we expect.
The state of being here is neither past nor future It is not “clock time.” Being here can only happen in the now. Here is now. Being is all of you, body, mind, spirit, experienced together. An enlightened person feels the energy of the “all.” Sinking into the nature of reality bears fruit. Is the physicist who sees the incapacity of his measuring tools insane or is he wise? Working to be here now is a great vacation. It also is a good way of life.