She had a terrible painful dream. She was with her now deceased husband looking young and vital. He was rejecting her for being unloving. Said he didn’t love her anymore. Suddenly she was plunged into her greatest loss which returned her to the grief of childhood with rejecting unloving parents. Then she was on a subway train, in a car with no destination. He got off at a stop and she followed him. He pitied her and gave her a large heart shaped pin and filled with precious stones: rubies and sapphires turquoises. She said, give the pin to the next woman that you love. He didn’t take it.
She awoke in a state of misery. Felt abandoned.
She remembered how she changed into an angry martyr as her husband became increasingly deranged by frontal lobe illness. She treated him with the same hostile, rejecting behavior as her mother regularly did to her. Even her voice changed into that cigarette deep tone of dislike.
She had given into the internalized persona of her hateful mother and critical father, each time to come back to herself and apologize, each time renewed with a husband who said, “I take the good with the bad.” But to mistreat a dying man she became two women, the woman he loved and the one he detested. Oh noooo. Her hateful parent-self was not forgiven as if it ever was. When not experiencing “splitting,” he hated that part of herself and loved the loving. Now the two selves stood apart.
Why did she dream it? Yesterday, she had been critical of her gardener’s aggressive and speech disabled son. He was deliberately disobedient. Took hold of her binoculars and ran off to use them where they could easily drop and break. He banged into her with his water bottle until she yelled at him to stop. She set rules in an angry voice which didn’t work. He enjoyed getting her goat.
The dream was telling her that that the mistreating part of her would never go away. It showed her how it created her greatest loss.
The heart-shaped locket filled with precious jewels was not given to the attacking woman she had become when terrified by his debilitating illness. It was given to the woman she had mostly been before. When she offered it to give to the woman who came next, that woman was herself. It was that part of herself he deeply and completely loved. The pin was heart shaped because it represented his true love for her.
Every dream is trying to tell us what we need to know and do. Every dream attempts to bring us to the land of love.
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