Ask Questions. Then act. You were convinced by the salesman’s speech that the specialist from his group would help. By doing what? The only thing he mentioned was helping me work out an efficient schedule to accomplish my goals, instead of running around like a chicken with its head chopped off. But I am quite capable of doing this by myself.
What else is being offered for the phenominal fee of four thousand dollars? What am I paying for? I haven’t the slightest idea. He described consultants having a lot of experience and causing great success for their clients. Good, I said, can I speak to one? No he said. They are busy. You can’t speak to one until you pay for it.
What is this, a scam? Look at my right hand while my left hand is in your pocket. He adds, “We have to find the right one for you.” The adult part of me is saying get out now. The child part is saying believe the man, take it on faith, fit in. I give my credit card number to the accounting part of his agency and listen to a long diatribe read to me about penalties and consequences for non or late payment. It engenders a suicidal feeling.
I go to sleep thinking about his comment. I do not want someone to plot my life. I already feel invaded. I am a creative person running on “creative time.” I do not want to be contained. Then there’s conflict, I feel a regressive pull back to childhood, me the child clinging to my mother’s dress, a mother who never wanted me to do anything without her supervision, actually, never to do anything at all. This adult part of me disappeared and the frozen child stepped in.
Me, as an adult needs to take charge again. To exhaust my energy nagging and attacking myself for initially surrendering to this man will only sink me down. Self-hatred is the work of the internal freezing parent. Get hold of yourself. Call up the sales person and say that the agreement is inadequate. Call your credit card and put payment on hold until an agreeable written plan is produced. The fact he gave you a cut rate for the unstated does not count. Your money is on the line.
When your inner child takes over and is snowed by a good salesman acting as your friend, your adult needs to wake up again. The adult has to step in and undo or correct what it can. Time spent beating your adult mind for forgetting to steer the ship of self does not aid in your development. Self-hatred is not the fuel of growth.
The bad news is the good news We tend to make the same mistakes over and over. We rarely are beset by new ones. People like to think that the grown up is tossed out of childhood with no scars, no childhood twists of character, no places of naivete. But of course that isn’t true. The adult has to know his frozen child and freezing parent very well in order to keep from falling into a childhood ways of dealing which do not benefit the adult.
Call the salesman and ask for an outline of what he is selling on paper. Warn your credit card that a cancellation may be required. Most faulty steps are not irreversible and if they are, regard your error as a lesson in the classroom of life. The lessons get harder as we progress into maturity. That is why change is so difficult … and also so wonderful. Take the event in hand. Try to correct it. Study how it happened. Put those cues in your mind and keep them there. Take time to study situations to the point where you are aware of what you are doing. If the freezing parent rushes you, turn away from its bad advice. Tell freezing parent and frozen child it’s my life now.