Her friend is in a cautious state of mind which keeps the walls up. She doesn’t speak to her friend about it because she is nervous about making it worse. However, not speaking about it makes the matter worse. The tone between them was unfriendly, careful speech, the spaces of silence where before there never had been any.
It started when her friend felt jealous because she had described to her a moment of enlightenment during yoga, something her meditating friend had not yet experienced. She did not know her friend saw her as a rival. Before they had always shared each other’s achievements with great pleasure. Instead, her friend argued that she used the wrong technique which invalidated the experience. She spoke to her friend about this. Her friend argued until she saw part of the truth, but not her jealousy, so friendship was almost restored. Full intimacy takes full acknowledgment, as much as you have to that point.
The second break occurred when her friend spoke about vaccinating her grandchildren against measles, mumps, whooping cough and on and on. She responded that doing that was dangerous. She said that inoculation weakens your immune system, that you can get the inoculated disease later and much worse, that you are a carrier after inoculation with live viruses who passes the disease to those not inoculated, that you can get autism.
She thought her friend would be interested in hearing this helpful information. But no, her friend withdrew in horror saying, “You’re anti vax?” She answered yes and explained that the pharmaceutical industry is treating measles, mumps and chicken pox like a plague. When she was a child, mothers brought their children to the sick one to pass it on. Her friend raved on about the danger of measles until they fell into silence. End of discussion.
Since then, things have not been the same. There is a lack of trust. Her friend wants to be secure with the values she has acquired. Don’t we all? No new ones, please. But what if these values have been proven false and do us harm? She wants the friend back with whom she could discuss anything? How do you from here?