You Can Be the First One to Call

Her friend is in a state of mind which keeps the walls up. She didn’t speak to her friend about it. Nervous about making it worse. The tone  between them was in the air, her careful speech, the spaces of silence where before there never was one.

It started when her friend felt jealous because she had spoken of a moment of enlightenment during yoga, something her meditating friend had not yet had. She did not know her friend was a rival. Before they has shared each other’s achievements with great pleasure. Instead here, her  friend had argued that she used the wrong technique instead of dealing with the experience, which showed her jealous rage. She spoke to her friend about this. Her friend argued until she saw the truth and friendship restored, – but not entirely.

The second falling apart happened when her friend spoke about vaccinating her grandchildren against measles, mumps, whooping cough and on and on. She responded that doing that was dangerous. She s told her friend that inoculation weakens your immune system, that you get the  inoculated disease later and worse, that you are a carrier after inoculation who passes on the disease to the not inoculated, that you get autism. She thought her friend would be interested in hearing this helpful information. But no, her friend withdrew in horror saying,  “You’re anti vac?” She answered yes and explained that the pharmaceutical industry is treating measles, mumps and chicken pox like a plague. When she was a child, mothers brought their children together to pass it on. Her friend raved on about the  danger of measles until they fell into silence. End of discussion.

Since then, things have not been the same. There is a lack of trust. Her friend wants to be secure with the values she has acquired.  Don’t we all?  No new ones, please. But what if these values have been proven false and do us harm?

She wants the friend back with whom she could discuss anything? How do you from here?

So now it is Christmas week and her friend’s birthday is January first, New Years Day. Learning that there would be no FedEx delivery then, she sent a FedEX package of a beautiful hand made sky blue silk-velvet scarf featuring beaded blue lilies as well as a t-shirt with the photo of a little black boy wearing a shirt saying “there is a god,” his hands clinging to a wire mesh gate which says, “Keep Out.”

She thought her friend would like the shirt given her dedication to meditation which is an attempt to know the “spirit.” On the other hand, she worries that her friend will see the  boy as herself, a person who can’t in.  She tells herself to stop walking on eggs. I gave her these gifts out of love.

She thought it was supposed to be delivered Wednesday, but she received no responsive call. She received her friend’s Christmas gift that day. It included a small white heart shaped stone with Buddha’s hand drawn in the middle and in the middle of it, a heart. Her friend wrote a note saying, “With love to my dearest friend and wishes to always be together. Lisa.”

Before seeing the heart and the written message, her negative thinking had been flirting with the idea that if she didn’t call and her friend didn’t call, no one would call. If she continued in this anti-love spirit, she would have Buddha’s hand on a white stone, a sign of love but a remaining space between them. Did she want this friend, with both of them sometimes jealous, sometimes competitive, sometimes wrong?

Part of her, the self-protective part said, “Let her call me first” as if she would lose something by calling. Part of her asked, “Do you want her as a friend even if she is a little jealous and self-protective?” What if she isn’t ready to talk about it?

Do you want her, this friend of forty plus years, no matter what, the one who wrote she loved you on her card?


Of course.

I’ll call her.

One thought on “You Can Be the First One to Call

  1. Adelma Maria de Almeida Fonseca de Avila

    Dearest Elan,
    You have helped me a great deal!
    Julius and I are good friends now.
    I thank you, always!


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