Raised to Lose Seeking the Tortured Love of Childhood

She was raised by a father who never was satisfied with anything she did or was. He claimed to be aiming for her to succeed by pointing his verbal arrows at her, but the real intention was for her to fail.

She grew up and her love affairs were many, surprising to a woman raised to feel ugly and stupid. Few were truly love. Most were reflections of her childhood relationship with her father, but the last one topped the cake. It threatened to ruin her forever.  

It seems impossible to ourselves that we are driven to go through the same tortured experience of an unloving childhood? Why would we do such a thing? The first step in change is realizing we are doing it, but how do we know such a thing?

Once grown, she played hateful parent or hated child to her lovers. She met a man through Facebook who claimed instant love. He loved her photograph. Said her open smiling face became the center of his life. It gave him hope. She was also moved by his photo, reclining on a bench arms open as if to embrace.  

They spoke for an hour or more every day, had great fun talking. But more than anything, he wanted to hear about her. He kept himself hidden. Said he only had one friend, his dog, with pictures the adorable hound in embrace. Later, he said that she was his only friend, which touched her heart, and kept her from noticing that his hand was in her pocket. He said he loved her, even sent her a video of him singing “I love you,” with the dog’s lease outstretched, presumably his only other friend lazing just out of frame. Her heart expanded warm and full towards him.

They spoke of marriage. He said he was an architect whose plan was in a contest not yet declared. After he won it, he said he would marry her after the construction was completed. She asked to see him before he departed. He welcomed her. Spoke of shopping for food together, and how great of cook he was, but argued a bit on sharing a bathroom, as he wanted while she wanted her own. She felt they were so very close. She already had her ticket and was going to fly the next day when he claimed he was required to go to Cyprus so-as not to lose the job. Most likely he did not live at the stated address.  His location remains unknown.

His falsehoods continued to pull her in. He said that he was the kind of architect who paid for materials and labor in advance so that the corporation could not undercut materials causing the structure to be unsound and risking that it would fall apart. He said that he had invested his lifetime of savings, over one million dollars, in materials but needed help to pay for labor. Early on, he had once inquired about her savings, which she never would have entertained a response, and would have fled, if not blinded by love. He knew she had some money for emergencies.

When you fall into a lying world, you try harder and harder to believe. It is too frightening to think otherwise. The love hook was in and clouded her mind.

He asked her for $200,000.00. He said he would give her ownership of the gold left to him by his father and given to his deceased wife. Sent a photo of him, sitting in front of a table covered by a large number of gold bars. He said they were worth about $900,000.00. That is more than her initial loan sent to him.  Sent her a form to sign from Credit Suisse which changed ownership to her from his deceased wife. Later, a friend told her it was not a genuine Credit Suisse form, but a forgery sent in .jpg format instead of .pdf.

She went to her bank which refused to send the money, calling it a scam. They even knew of the gold bars as a persuasion tactic. He did not think it up.  But he insisted they were just against him without reason. She moved her funds to another bank. They also refused to send money to Cyprus for the same reason: fraud. Her guy, who now called her “wife,” gave her the address of people in US states to wire the money, keeping it below a noticeable amount. How did he know such things and how would the money get to him in Cyprus? She closed the evaluative section of her mind.  

The scam scenario hit its final note when he announced he had been robbed in a taxi on the way to pick up his equipment. His cab was stopped, the driver shot in the back, he beaten to the point of hospitalization. He sent photos of him in a hospital bed. Now a new emergency. The thieves took his briefcase and passport. Again, all money gone.   

He asked her to sell her country log home to pay custom’s fees on the machinery.  Customs again, like the one on the Canadian border holding onto the box of gold. Her country home was the last thing she had left, the last safeguard against complete poverty.

She wept—the only thing she could ever count on possessing with parents who were liars and disloyal were tears. He asked whether she loved her house more than she loved him. Repeated how he would immediately pay everything back after the equipment was delivered. The new house will be beautiful . . . on and on. She became extremely depressed. The bottom was falling out of her world in return for a (false) promise.

How could he ask her this? No. Can’t sell. Will sell … Won’t. She had to say no.

He said he couldn’t live with her lying. She was the liar, not he. He said he would lose the job, the thing he has worked for all his life. He was exhausted by her indecision. Let her house be her lover now. She was the selfish one, because it was about his desires and not hers. Not theirs.

He was gone with her money. Is he an architect? Is there a Cyprus job? Did he mean his vow to marry? Her parents were great liars. This man puts their skill to shame.

Why did she fall for this predator? Why did she not read the signs that she had recognized? She felt a combination of pain and love, but the pain growing ever deeper.

She did not listen to her inner voice, yelling at her to stop giving, or weeping in pain when she did not. She was reliving the torture of childhood with unloving parents. Giving everything away was like being home again.

How many of you are like this woman? Come to an ongoing workshop on You Choose to Lose. (212) 496-6003.

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And Then They Ate Their Own

Heard an amazing native American speaker today on Ghost Horse’s WBAI program, Barbara Smith who wrote a book called, Spirits of Blood, Spirits of Breath: The Twinned Cosmos of Indigenous America. She spoke of the multiplicity of gods and customs of natives everywhere which keeps the people alive and well and spiritual, creative and in touch with all things including each other.

The invading Europeans are a different mentality, raiders who see everything as theirs to take. Part of their spreading their own dehumanization is worshipping only one god. They call that god the true god; the call everyone else’s false. To have the wrong god makes you less than human. They aim for standardization, reducing the meaning of the world into a sale price. All is a gigantic supermarket and you acquire its products by shopping with a gun.

We shop in “primitive” cultures by invading them to take their natural resources. Although no war has been declared, we drop as many endless tons of bombs as needed. But that is not enough. Still too many cultures claiming they own their own stuff. Still too many invaders grabbing everywhere for more.

The invaders now are turning on their own. The national parks will be subdivided so that oil can be dug out leaving a dead earth. We’re to dig for oil in the Arctic where natives have lived for thousands of years. Instead of 2 months to discuss the coming invasion, they will get 2 weeks. The governor of the Arctic region, already well paid off (and part of the take it culture), thinks that taking minerals from that region is a good thing. Death to the point of extinction of birds and fish and bears and caribou and … all the wildlife are ignored. The local tribal people who live on and preserve these animals don’t count. There is no money in preservation for the invaders.

Theft and invasion within a nation continues. What about aid to dependent children, health care for young and old, solar power instead of oil and gas and nuclear? What about medicine when needed, public transportation? Are there no rules left to protect and serve? Well, these may be written down somewhere but invaders do not need follow rules. The invaders declare themselves the owners, and owners make the rules.

“Owners” have the philosophy: we need that thing more than it needs itself; let those who lack the power lose and die.

Money Made From Disaster

 

There is the flood in Puerto Rico, a US colony since the late 18oos. The US did not allow waiting nations deliver supplies. Imports have to bow to the Jones act which means that imports must first come to the US and change boats to go elsewhere. What impoverished nation can afford the price of importation now?

Disaster did not start with the flood. There were years of underfunding governmental maintained things like electricity so that the island would fall apart when subjected to environmental stress. The governor allowed the Promessa Act so that when disaster strikes, he can kick natives off their underfunded jobs and allow foreigners to make the decisions and the money. The foreigners often lack training and understanding of the terrain and the job itself but they do know where the money is. Puerto Ricans   without water and electricity die. Hospitals without electricity and supplies see patients die in great numbers. The current count is approaching 5,000. Those who can flee to Florida. This empty out of an occupied nation was planned for.  Now non-PR millionaires can build hotels on the stolen beaches and create a vacation paradise.

Whenever you can’t understand some event, look at where the money goes.

Attacking Decency

It is with increasing horror that I read or listen to the news. All things that share in my love of life, all that the forces of government are supposed to be supporting, making safer, purer, are being vanquished, sold, demolished by those who make the rules. It is like a nightmare from which I do not wake.

And what do we the lowly citizens do about it? Americans mostly wring their hands in misery and hopelessness. Either that or deny the mounting disaster, say it’s not happening to me, refuse to see the loss which is directly set before them, certainly not in some distant place.

A major recent change from a passive to active comes from high school students, the original ones mowed down at school, and now in increasing numbers, set against people having military guns used in mass shooting. They are going to the elected people, to DC Congress. They are warning those who turn away from them as juvenile, that soon all of them will vote.

Another group that has come together in shared alarm is the Indians. They first met to pray for and stand in front of digging equipment, that wants to put Tar Sands oil pipes beneath the Missouri. Spills have to happen and have been happening since impurities in the oil break the pipe. A contaminated water will be drunk by thousands even millions, few of them native. The Indians say water is life.

Government keeps selling land to those would extract oil, gas, use chemically enhanced fracking, all which destroy the plants and animals that live in the region including, humans, to earn magabucks for the few. ICE seizes the children of undocumented immigrants crossing the southern border. Babies, toddlers, are pulled out the arms and from the hands of parents and then sent to far away stations. Parents are told that their children are going to get a shower never to return. For most, there is no explanation. . Parents likely will never see their child again. Government says they do this to discourage immigrants. It’s cruelty is beyond explanation. The AG calls it an act of law. They even quote parts of the bible to make it sound God ordained. The tiny part they quote was favored by Good Christian slave holders. What ever happened to the separation of church and state?

But above all, taking away kids is a money maker. They will build tent cities on army bases. The private corporations running this concentration camp will make a mint. For the kids it is a deadly loss. They are destroyed by the loss of their loving parent. Have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) from which they will never recover.

One father of a 3-year old son torn from his arms committed suicide that night in his cell by hanging. A so-called expert about suicide called the man weak. Said mentally stronger people could handle such a terrible loss. This so-called expert minimized the effects of such abuse to fit in with the submissive crowd

A season of madness is upon us. Madness is a form of disconnection. It is only when we are hand to hand, heart to heart and eye to eye with others including the non-human world that we come to sanity. Instead we scorn the homeless people sleeping on the street. We scorn the people sickened by pollution in their slums until the poison surrounds and kills us all.

      It Is Horrible But Not New

 

Undocumented immigrants cross into the United States, infants or young ones in arms or by hand, are met by border officers who TAKE THE CHILD AWAY. These children are then declared “unaccompanied” even as young as 56 weeks to date, and thrown into the maw of social services full of physical abuse, sexual abuse, unloving, being unknown, a piece of money to those who offer the agencies a house to keep them.

Yes, we are destroying these young people by taking them from their mother (and father), their ability to hold onto and love the parent and all those who follow; a generation to enter the prison population or to be simply lost. But not new. No siree. We came to a country we called terra vida – empty land and proceeded to murder and drive away the so-called Indians. Then, after a while of people hiding in our createdreservations, we took away their children, put them in schools which cut their hair, forbade the native language, beat and hated them as Indians they wanted to extirpate. We rejected their religion, took away their culture and led to the death of many through neglect. Graveyards in these so-called schools are full.

We later had a slave culture and took away the children. Sold them to those who wanted slaves to serve for life. Slaves were seen as objects, beaten if disobedient, raped for pleasure whatever their inclination. Slave owners said that the slave pain threshold was much higher, that they did not suffer. Were told they did not care for their children.

We have been taking children away from their parents for centuries. We are doing it today. How did we, the stronger, dominant group become such miserable creatures, using people and exterminating them because it serves us?

Humans Not Needed

Can you imagine being defined as unnecessary? It has happened before but not with such great vastness. Design, the way to get things done always had humans doing some of the work using lesser  beasts like dray horses, like sheep and cattle, like people who were indentured to work for a set period, like slaves forced to work for life.

But now we have entered a new era, one with workers who occasionally need a change of oil or a new metal ring, a better receiving  element but otherwise, even if programmed to look like your friendly cook, or merely to act as an arm or hand, they are machines. AI is taking over. The work of thousands can be done by one. It doesn’t need to sleep, take vacations, have sick leave, retirement benefits, health insurance.

Corporations pay vast amounts to the tiny few that own them. The corporation whose main goal is to earn money, wants to lay off workers. It does not distinguish human from machine; does not deal with feelings of the fired or not hired.The IA revolution is run by computers which might some day soon be smarter than any person who claims to own them. The computer might need a retinue of slaves to make repairs but otherwise, finds people  unnecessary. A machine acts like a machine and has machine feelings. The machine asks, will it do the job for cheap.

Why are we moving in this direction? Are we like children in a play room with new pieces to put together.? Are our money maker humans so entranced with the bucks coming out of computers replacing workers,  that they cannot see that they too will be declared obsolete? Do we really need a self-driving car, a machine that gets the stuff from the Amazon warehouse, an instrument that runs the house? Do we think there is no witch pretending to be grandma whom we visit in the woods. Are we unable to think to the 7th generation, to see how this invention will effect out children’s children’s ….  to see where our love for our new toy, machine as worker, will lead us.

With all of our human-destructive behavior, dumping chemicals everywhere that are moving swiftly to where life cannot exist, this machines running things is the joker in the pack. It will make its so-called owners obsolete and that is that.

Take the Price Tag Off

Everything has a price on it, and, for most, the price is exceedingly low but only for those who have got the bucks. We of that impoverished socio-economic class are expendable. The two things necessary for life, air and water, are for sale. Soon we will have water wars and drought tombs, while scarcity and waste create markets to propel those few at the top.

The corporations want to exude their waste into the air and water without paying for it and not looking back. They bribe the officials who are there to profit by selling off natural resources. Nestle’s corporation cornered Michigan that way, taking 400 tons of water per minute out of a great lake, every day for free.  

On the other hand, the people of Flint Michigan drink filthy water from corroded pipes pouring lead into their children’s brains, to save the state some pennies. Recently, they even stopped sending bottled water while the lead keeps pouring in. Only the rich get saved.

Life on the globe with ever less drinking water is unfortunate but also very profitable for the “thems” that control it. Money is a thing we have been taught to worship. Do you own stocks in a water eating firm? Do you pull down your mental shades so as not to see what it is being taken away and used up? You are thinking of retirement. Need money for that. Period.

Is everything for sale? Should it be? Do you think of the 7th generation when determining whether and what to do? Drilling for oil in the Arctic park as Trump intends will kill countless species. But look at the profit oil will make for the few. Given our obsession with extraction as if there need be no limit, it is a time for most us of to become extremely poor, a time of unbelievable profit for the few. How we admire those who are riding high. Our admiration is bizarre. We are applauding our downfall. Some even say that god has favored those who “got it.” They worship the god of theft.

Do we feel paralyzed and helpless? Do we hope to join the rich pack? Do we not know how to do anything about their price on the world? Are we afraid to talk about it and get on the rich folk’s kill’em list?

We need to live in a priceless world. Everything needs a right to exist, none above and none below. We need to protect Mother Earth and leave life in all its forms to reproduce, to morph into something new and wonderful. Hooray for the unexpected. We join the family of the living.

We need to greet each species with wonder. How amazing and beautiful. What talents does it possess? We enjoy as we pass each other with a spoken hello. We embrace those that come forward. We celebrate life. We protect water and air as a shared resource, not as a profit potential.